Entries by Nolan Yard


Originals

I’m Yukon Cornelius, Aerosmith’s Original Front Man

Being a Gemini, I’ve always been torn between being the center of attention and isolating myself in the stark abandoned wilderness. Truth be told, though I’ve found myself center stage in front of large crowds, my heart has always longed for silence and solitude. 

Originals

Columbo Makes His Wife a Smoothie

Now, mid-blend something dawns on me. I notice an odd ratio between frozen fruit and juice. Could it be that I’ve mixed them up? I can see by your nodding that you know me all too well. Instead of 2 cups of fruit to 1 cup of juice, I flipped it. So essentially, instead of a smoothie, I’m making you a more refined juice! Columbo, you klutz.

Best Of 2021

Columbo Gets a Tennis Lesson

Columbo: You know, I gotta thank you for clarifying. I’ve always been confused about how the whole scoring thing works. So does this mean, if I get no points when I’m not serving, my opponent has to call me “love” before they serve?

Originals

Concierge Script for Meditative Retreat (Not a Raccoon-Infested Cabin)

Breakfast is cancelled this morning on account of one of mother earth’s little darlings breaking through the vent and sneaking off with the eggs. Fret not, our renowned cabin chef will make smoothies. No, those aren’t teeth marks. Those peaches are just very tenderized. Nothing like a healthy morning drink to set your meditative mind in veg-mode.