Cap’n Crunch’s Most Irritating Pet Peeves

People on the street who ask if he’s a member of The Village People.

Social media bullying from those horrible Honeycomb Kids.

Due to Cialis / Viagra allergies, not able to “stay crispy in milk” anymore, if you know what we mean.

Despite being a fan of Trump, agitated by people who stormed the Capital while wearing costumes very similar to his military uniform.

That Trix rabbit, who is far more popular a cereal mascot, despite clearly being a pervert.    I mean, have you seen those commercials?!    He’s obviously trying to lure those kids with that damned delicious cereal!!

No one ever takes him seriously when he asks them to walk the plank.

During his yearly physical for the Quaker Oats company, the attending doctor always asks to see his “crunch-berries” before asking him to cough.

The constant calls and accusations from reporters since the discovery of several of his mustache hairs at the Spahn Ranch Charles Manson compound.   Like he’s said hundreds of times already, they were casual friends long before all of the kooky cult stuff.

Pirates making fun of him for having both eyes.

Chloe Kardashian’s stalking claims blown way out of proportion by the media.