Dear Donald

Our marriage of six years was wonderful. I married my soul mate. Over the last year, he has been having an affair with his secretary and is quite blatant about it. When I found out, I confronted him, and his response was pure insanity. He said, “one woman is not enough for me. I need variety.” I almost died on the spot of a broken heart. He says that he loves me and that our marriage is important, but that sex is his right as a man. What can I do to win him back?

Dear House Wife: Women are great. They’re all great. But they’re not all equally great. Some aren’t great at all. So, ask yourself this: are you very attractive? If you’re not attractive, I’m sorry, it’s hard to be great. It’s time to be great. ~ The Donald

Dear Donald: My Husband is Soft on Our Daughter, but Tough on Our Sons

We have two daughters and five sons. My sixth-grade daughter earns D’s and C’s but raises holy hell if our son gets a C in history. When I asked “he said women do not have to be smart, they just need to pretty.” What can I say to him that will help him see that smart women are important too. ~ F+ in Utah

Dear F+: Look, I’m an attractive man. I’m rich, I’m successful, I’m irresistible. Not everyone is irresistible. The odds are against you, to be honest with you. But there’s good news. Not every woman is going to be pretty. Nor is every woman capable of being smart. Maybe you’ll just be ordinary. That’s fine. Our society needs ordinary people too. Do I spend time with them? No, I do not. ~ The Donald.

Dear Donald: Daughter’s Third Marriage Ending

Our daughter’s third marriage is ending. She has four children by three men. I did not raise my daughter to be like this. The last time she divorced she moved in with us. She is smart, attractive, and has a decent education. We have told them both that this is not acceptable, and that marriage is not something you throw away because your husband bought you a doughnut maker for your birthday. ~ Disgusted in Idaho

Dear Disgusted: Marriages are contracts. I’ve made many great contracts in my life, and several great marriages. If you understand business, you can build a marriage. Or just declare bankruptcy. I happen to have a beautiful wife. ~ The Donald

Dear Donald: How Can I Tell My Wife I Want a Divorce?

My wife has grown boring. We are both 50, and there is no excitement left in our sex life. I want to end our marriage so that I can “Play” since she is not interested in having sex.” How do I tell her? – Cold in Arizona

Dear Cold: Talk is cheap. What’s more, it’s unnecessary. I’ll tell you what you should do: build a big, beautiful wall around your wife, and you’ll have no more problems. Walls are great. God bless America. – The Donald