News Briefs

Donald Trump Jr. Resigns

Engulfed in a widening scandal involving a divorce from his wife of 12 years as well as rumors of an affair with Danity Kane singer Aubrey O’Day, Donald Trump, Jr. resigned today as President Donald Trump’s son. In an official statement from the White House after the resignation became public, the President declared that Donald Trump, Jr. “is a man of true integrity and honor and I can’t say enough good things about him, believe me. He is a friend, a confidante, a trusted professional and a good boy. I have been proud to serve alongside him in the Trump family.”

In his contentious resignation statement, DJT Jr. observed, “My commitment to public service and this family speaks for itself. I have always put duty to country and to my immediate family first, and I’m deeply grateful for the opportunity to have served the President.”

Defending the younger Donald Trump, Press Secretary Sarah Sanders stated, “I can tell you that Junior has been effective in his role as eldest son, and the President, his siblings and the chief of staff have had full confidence and trust in his abilities and his performance.” Sanders continued that she never personally witnessed any “horn dog behavior” and categorically denied that the President’s former son had ever hit on her.

In an unusual twist, immediately following his resignation, Donald Trump, Jr. agreed to re-join the Trump 2020 reelection campaign in a new role as the President’s nephew or perhaps a second cousin, once removed.