News Briefs: God Seriously Considering Starting Over Again With Human Race

PLUS: Velcro Feeling Like It Being Taken For Granted , Superhero Action Figure Not A Bathtub Toy, But Rather A Bathtub Collectible, Fast Food Meal Purchased To Save Time Puts Man In Bathroom For Several Hours Weekly Humorist News Briefs, Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

News Briefs: Happy Ending At Massage Parlor Leads To Happy Ending Of Marriage

PLUS: Houseplant In Basement Man Cave Resigned To Fate Of Slow Certain Death, Four Horsemen Of Apocalypse Hover In US Skies Like Famished Buzzards, Discarded Plastic Produce Bag Enjoys Lazy Journey Drifting Through Supermarket Parking Lot.

News Briefs: Study Shows Demon Possessed Teens Not As Bad As Regular Teens

Plus: ER Patient With Candy Bar Stuffed Into Rectum Didn't Bring Enough For Everybody, Area Man's Fate Sealed After Leaving Toilet Seat Up In New Girlfriend's Apartment, Drivers Don't Even Question Origin Story Of Single Tennis Shoe On Side Of Highway.

News Briefs: Middle Aged Eagle Scout Top Recruitment Pick For Local Area Cults

Plus: Exhaustive Study Reveals Slip-In Shoes Greatest Achievement Of New Millenium, Kitchen Junk Drawer Officially Too Full To Open, Man With Dad Bod Isn't Even Really A Dad.

News Briefs: Study Reveals Exposure To Life Increases Symptoms Of Depression

Plus: Filthy Christmas Doormat Finally Being Replaced By Way Overdue Spring Doormat, Wife Applies "Birthday Only" Sex Rule To Include Superhero Movies As Well, Remaining Book Club Members Sheepishly Admit The Necronomicon A Bad Idea.

News Briefs: Earth Feeling Like Probably Time To Deal With Human Infestation Problem

Plus: Man Surveys New Girlfriend's Apartment For Move-In Potential, Throw Pillow Despondent After Being Demoted To Basement Guest Bedroom Unsettling Amount Of Serial Killer Books For Sale At Neighbor's Garage Sale. Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News Into Little Pieces.

News Briefs: Dating Site For Seniors Stymied By Dial-Up Connection

Plus: Man Hides Liquor Bottle In Same Place He Used To Hide Ex-Wife’s Christmas Presents, Woman Being Baptized In River Should Have Worn A Bra, Lunch Fast Food Bag Placed In Back Seat Of Car To Make Room For Dinner Fast Food Bag.

News Briefs: Lost Dog Found At Home Of Nicer Family

Plus: Stupid Lemonade Stand Doesn't Have Wi-Fi, Cabbage Enthusiasts Flip The Fuck Out Over National Cabbage Day, Mom Excited About Knowing Mother Of Hostess At Chili's.

NEWS BRIEFS: Dad Accidentally Streaks Slumber Party

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

Breaking: Women Across the US Overreact to Losing a Basic Human Right

But not everyone was reacting inappropriately. “Just because you lose one of the most fundamental human rights doesn’t mean you girls have to get your panties in a wad. It’s Friday, let’s just have a fun weekend!” a man, who will never face any of the life-and-death consequences of this ruling, calmly and reasonably reacted.

News Briefs: Pandemic Parents

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

NEWS BRIEF: Grandpa Zoom

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

NEWS BRIEFS: Cat Caper

Weekly Humorist New Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

News Briefs: Pandemic Barbie

Weekly Humorist News Briefs. Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

NEWS BRIEFS: Home-schooling

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

NEWS BRIEFS: Technology

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

NEWS BRIEFS: Infected

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking news, Into Little Pieces.

News Briefs: Marriage

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

NEWS BRIEFS: Dishes

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

NEWSBRIEFS: Cats

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

NEWS BRIEFS: Space

Weekly Humorist News Briefs. Breaking news, Into Little Pieces.

NEWS BRIEF: Dog Parents

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

NEWSBRIEFS: Working

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

NEWS BRIEFS: Guy on Porch Sees You, Knows What You’re Up To.

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

NEWS BRIEFS: 100% of All Home-Schooled Teens "Very Likely" to Masturbate During Lunch.

Weekly Humorist News Briefs. Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

Santa Claus Arrested on 132 Million Counts of Breaking and Entering

Following the sting, it was also reported that animal control services was forced to capture and euthanize nine aggressive reindeer which Kringle had been using as personal transportation to draw his sleigh. One reindeer reportedly suffered from an inflamed nose which allegedly was still glowing for approximately 30 minutes following the euthanasia procedure.

Surprise Nominee Gritty Elected To The Supreme Court.

Washington, DC—In a shocking move this morning, the US Senate voted unanimously to push surprise nominee Gritty though into the highest court in America. Gritty is a monster with an impeccable record, both in his academic standing and his professional history. He is known for his athleticism, hobby marksmanship and googly eyes.

The New York Times Visits the Town That Votes for Donald Trump Again Every Day

And every day, the residents of this small town take a regimented break at noon to head to their local polling place and vote for Donald Trump, a man who is already president...

Short Sleeve Suits All The Rage In L.A.

MILAN, Italy -- Internationally known and respected men's clothing…

Man Allergic To Clothing Gets Permission To Come To Work Nude

PENSACOLA, Florida – Jack Navish had worn clothing all his…

Rough Start to Summer: A Lifeguard Has Ordered the Ocean Drained After a Whale Pooped In It

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Plus, it's gross.

Surgeon General Encourages Thumb-Sucking for Politicians

Thumb sucking - it's the next logical step.

Ex-Barber Builds Home Out Of Human Hair

SVENSPOT, Sweden -- Most people work all their lives to be able…

Donald Trump’s Hair to Announce It’s Transitioning Into A Quilt

The news just got a bit more hair-raising as it relates to the…

International House of Pancakes, Iconic Breakfast Restaurant, Dead at 60

Known for their breakfast and contributions to American obesity,…

College Admits 10 Month Old Infant Genius

FRANKFORT, Kentucky -- Most 10 month old babies are still pre-occupied…

For MTV’s ‘Real World’ There’s No Place Like Nome

MTV’s ‘Real World’ announced its latest destination - Nome,…

11’ Tall Basketball Player Found In Namibia Running With Giraffes

INDIANAPOLIS – At 7’7”, Manute Bol never thought he’d…

Man Stretches Out In Gym – Against His Will

CHARLESTON, West Virginia -- Ralph Swane went to his gym expecting…

Comedian Kills Half His Elderly Audience With Great Joke

RIVERDALE, New York – All comedians like to be told they “killed”…

Bodybuilder’s Bicep Explodes Killing Work-Out Partner

TARZANA, California – Mike “Cannon Ball” Tortuga, Mr. Olympus…

Charles Barkley Banned From Vegas “All You Can Eat” Buffets

Hall of Fame basketball great and hoops commentator Charles Barkley…

Ohio Man Literally Zips His Lip

DAVENPORT, Ohio – Men have done many unusual things to try…

Tap Dancing For The Criminally Insane

SPOKANE , Washington – Doctors at the Spokane Home For The…

A Brief History Of Thumb Twiddling

ADELAIDE, Australia - Most people see someone twiddling their…

Doggy Dancing- A New Cure For Loneliness

NEW YORK CITY – Leave it to New York City to come up with the…

Donald Trump Jr. Resigns

Engulfed in a widening scandal involving a divorce from his wife…

Man Tattoos Muscular Body On His Own Scrawny Frame

SACRAMENTO, California - Tired of being picked on for his scrawny,…

The Whispering Village Of Turkmenistan

TURKMENISTAN – There’s a tiny village in Turkmenistan called…

Dentist Accidentally Extracts Man’s Face

BISMARCK, North Dakota – Len Wheaton went to the dentist expecting…

Baby Born With Antlers

NOME, Alaska - Rachel Binster was expecting twins. The one thing…

Man In Wyoming Builds Family A Nest

ELK MOUNTAIN, Wyoming – Wade Truesdale was proud of the house…

Thin Man Travels The World By Overnight Mail

HELSINKI, Finland – Travis Purn had an itch to travel. The…

Man Killed For Giving Girlfriend A Snail Instead Of Engagement Ring

GILA BEND, Arizona – Hiram Trask and Emma Baldoon were high…

Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton “Government Shutdowners Of Today Are Sissies”

Former President Bill Clinton and House Speaker Newt Gingrich…

Smithsonian Institute Proves George Washington Wore Wooden Pants

  WASHINGTON, D.C.  -   Stories have abounded for…

Man With Infant's Head Sues For Discrimination

NEW YORK CITY – A major Wall Street firm is reeling from charges…

“Toys For Tots” Goes Bust!

A newspaper typo turned a local toy drive into a major traffic…

Man Slips On Pat Of Butter, Winds Up In Next Town

COLLINSVILLE, Illinois – When Wally Pavlicek decides to slip…

Creepy Guy With ‘Free Breast Exam’ T-Shirt Now Most Viable Women’s Health Option In Louisiana

The Louisiana Department of Health has released an official…

Freeze Out: Captain Cold Booted From Legion Of Doom After Sexual Harassment Allegations

METROPOLIS -- Captain Cold, the supervillain known worldwide…

After 35 Years of Marriage, Dad Comes Out as Alien

STOWE, Ohio -- Following 35 years of marriage, and after seeing…

Holy Torch Song Trilogy! Harvey Fierstein to play Batman

Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney, Christain Bale, Ben…

Department of Nihilism Study Finds That Nothing Matters Anyway

WASHINGTON, DC – A new report by the federal Department of…

BREAKING NEWS: Cable News See Nativity Coverage As Ratings Savior

Cable networks salivating at their ratings-grabbing replays of…