Education SmackDown: Linda McMahon Nominated for Education Secretary
WWE co-founder Linda McMahon has just been nominated for Education Secretary. This move is expected to shake up education and schools in the following ways:
All parent-teacher conferences will now take place inside a steel cage.
School cafeterias will serve nothing but raw meat and protein shakes.
Students given detention must perform as jobbers in the principal’s weekly wrestling storyline.
Academic probation warnings are now delivered via surprise schoolyard ambush interviews.
High school cliques will be limited to three options: faces, heels, and jabronis.
Art classes now focus on designing Cody Rhodes’s next neck tattoo.
Hall monitors are replaced with Brock Lesnar.
History class now spends six weeks covering 1987’s WrestleMania III.
The Undertaker’s eerie bell toll and fog machine effects will signal an active shooter drill.
Recess dodgeball now includes the addition of folding chairs.
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J.K. Radomski is a Canadian freelance writer whose words have appeared in newspapers such as The Seattle Post-Intelligencer and The Rocky Mountain News, as well as a number of magazines and trade publications like The Hollywood Reporter. He enjoys one-hit-wonders from the ‘80s, binge watches a lot of TV, drinks Lagavulin, and contemplates the lives of pygmy marmosets in his spare time. Follow him on Twitter @tvwriter
