Horror Movie Villains Explain Why They’re Quiet Quitting

Michael Myers

 

After 45 years of chasing Jamie Lee Curtis, it’s safe to say I’m experiencing some burnout. I’ll still chase her, but I will be stopping to clock out every day at precisely 5 p.m. I need to regain some death-life balance. I want to spend less time killing and more time really living.

 

There’s all this pressure nowadays to work harder or “walk faster”. Well, you know what? I’m going to walk even slower. What’s the rush? I’ll keep collecting my paycheck and kill her when I kill her.

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Ghostface

 

The grind just no longer appeals to me. I’m tired of making endless phone calls as if I work in some kind of call center. From now on, It’s Snapchat only. I’ll send a snap saying “you up?” and if the girl doesn’t answer? She’s just getting gutted.

 

I’m no longer going above and beyond by asking questions about every victim’s favorite scary movie. Those take time to plan and are never appreciated! It’s only Snapchat and neck snaps from now until retirement.

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Pennywise

 

I really want to reclaim some time for myself. Maybe go back to clown college.

 

Being a shape-shifting manifestation of children’s nightmares can be so draining. I’m tired of watching my victims float around all day while I do all the work. I’ve finally realized it’s MY turn to float down a lazy river sipping a mocktail while clocking in some well-deserved PTO (Pennywise Time Off).

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Hannibal Lecter

 

I feel like I’ve been put in a box professionally that I can’t get out of. People call me “Hannibal the Cannibal” even though I have plenty of other skills and interests.

 

I will continue to eat people, of course, but I’m not going to put in the culinary effort I once did. No more liver served with fava beans and a nice chianti. Instead, I’ll be popping human nuggets in the air fryer and calling it a day.

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Jack Torrance

 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: All work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy. Being a possessed writer/caretaker can really take a lot of a guy.

 

Would it be so bad to stroll leisurely through the hedge maze without chasing my five-year-old with an axe? Or soak in a long, hot bath in room 237?

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Freddy Kreuger

 

I’m simply not willing to hustle like I used to. I was up every night, invading people’s dreams from sundown to sun-up. It was relentless. Doesn’t anyone think that maybe I’M tired too after working so many night shifts?

 

It’s not sustainable anymore. I’m switching to invading naps only. Quick twenty-minute scare shifts, in and out.