I’m Building A Wall Around My Heart, And This Wall Will Have A Glory Hole
Okay, first of all, I’m not being reactionary here; this is not an excuse to be dramatic and throw a hissy fit. But the current situation in my love life has become untenable, and I have therefore been forced into a corner where my only option is to build a towering, securely built wall around my heart. And this wall will contain a glory hole.
What other choice do I have, really? My success with affairs of the heart has been mixed at best, and try as I might, every attempt to share my life and love with another ultimately ends in sadness and regret. And while my heart is currently a hollowed out, decrepit husk, another organ may ultimately have a more positive outlook, and be in the mood to socialize. It is for this reason that the wall around my heart will have a glory hole. It’s just a matter of being practical, really.
So all I ask is that you please respect my need for the time it will take to repair my heart, if that’s even possible. For the time being, I just need the protection provided by an impenetrable wall, and a hole in that wall that I can stick my penis into occasionally.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
