How to Do the Monkey Bars as an Adult

In adulthood, the monkey bars become a rare and mythical concept. Like a unicorn, or a pickleback shot you don’t immediately regret. But if you’re like me, you’re either looking to recapture a shred of your childlike innocence, or you’re seeking revenge against Amelia, who beat you in the monkey bars contest in 3rd grade. Here are a few things you should consider.

Everything I Remember

As I handle mementos around my house, they bring up recollections from many years ago. The movie-ticket stub that I found and fished out of a public garbage can. The program from a play that I found and fished out of a public garbage can. The public garbage can that I carried home in case anything else interesting was in there. Now I use it to store my mementos.

Conversations Between a Woman and the Dog She's Unknowingly Dating on 'Love Is Blind'

KELSIE R.: Babe! OMG that is so great you feel the same way! I’ve had no luck in the past and 100% of the guys I’ve dated have cheated on me. But you get me, and I know just by talking to you that you’d never stray. I’m getting loyal vibes! Maverick, I think–no I know–I’m falling in love with you. And you don’t have to say it back. I know it’s soon. [MAVERICK lifts his leg and pees in a plant.]

Tips for Planning the Wedding of Your Nightmares After Realizing the Wedding of Your Dreams Is Too Expensive

Embrace a mismatched bridal party: Speaking of crafts, get creative and your bridesmaids won’t have to don the same stuffy overpriced ensemble. Let them wear whatever they want. Better yet, let them decorate a potato sack however they want. They’ll thank you for a look they can actually rewear. The versatility of a potato sack is unmatched.

This New York City Apartment Is Perfect. The Only Drawback Is the Coat Closet That’s a Direct Portal to the Ninth Circle of Hell

Tom is a spirit with bat wings and a tail, condemned to a cell that just so happens to be 12-stories directly below this Park Slope apartment’s coat closet. Tom is eternally on fire. He is also the love of my life.


Sorry, I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Today's cartoon by Kyle Bravo.

CARTOON: Stupid Cupid

He murdered... my heart. Today's cartoon by Phil Witte.

If Men Talked About Their More Successful Wives the Way Women Talk About Their Incredibly Average Husbands

We matched on Hinge. He didn’t message me for two weeks, so obviously I was super intrigued. We started talking, and I found out he’s an accountant who failed high school algebra three times.

Lies Your Wife Has Told You

Back hair isn't gross, it's just part of your body, and she loves all of you. Refurbishing old bird houses is a cool hobby. She doesn't even know your iPhone password, and how dare you! And more!

CARTOON: Open Options

Non-committal canoe. Today's cartoon by Ken Levine.

CARTOON: Sexual Hunger

Saucy Date Night Surprise! Today's cartoon by Jonathan La Luz.

CARTOON: Turtle Topper

The lengths we go for love. Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

A Statement on Our Relationship From American Airlines and JetBlue Airways

It is with great sadness that we at JetBlue and American Airlines announce the end of our partnership. This was a very difficult process for us and we want everyone to know that we are parting on loving terms. We have nothing but admiration for each other’s low fares, bonus mile offers, and inflight menu selections. 

CARTOON: Solo Ride

Aww, yes you do! Today's cartoon by K. A. Polzin.

Introducing: LinkedIn Dating

Once you’ve selected your top candidate, you may make them an offer and negotiate start date*, and benefits package. Additionally if you are just looking for a one night stand, try I’mEasyApply to fast track filling the position. Happy recruiting!

Exciting New Nail Polish Colors for Spending Your Valentine’s Day Home Alone!

Bold Red Alone in Bed with Snacks and “Jane Eyre” on Netflix, the Michael Fassbender One, Berry Naughty Thoughts About Michael Fassbender, Sexy Fishnet Stalkings of Michael Fassbender’s Full Frontal Pics Online, and more!

New From Sephora: Motor Oil

From Sephora: The maker of Blackcurrant Oil, Argan Oil, Rose Hip Seed Oil, Marula Oil, and Dilo Oil, comes: Motor Oil - Just drizzle a dime-size amount on your palm, put on your finger, and rub under the eyes in a circular motion. Watch as the sulfur antioxidants slowly exfoliate your delicate features.

10 New Year’s Resolutions Jason Definitely Wants Me to Keep This Year

I will sign up for an advanced crochet class to keep my hands busy during Jason’s softball practice (which is every Tuesday and Thursday). I will go to the gym, but only the one where the local softball team, the Beavers, work out. I will not let my past failures to become Jason’s girlfriend define me. And more!

CARTOON: Significant Smother

Feels like a trap. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

How To Prepare Your Meal Kit Dinner in 25 Infuriating Steps: A Tutorial

Step Six: You just cut yourself. Take a minute to go grab a band-aid, and get back to hand-shelling your own peas, you wuss.

This Pride Month, Ben & Jerry’s Is Introducing New Flavors To Help You Come Out To Your Aging Parents

Honey, I'm Combing Out: If all else fails, just buy them this honeycomb ice cream, put on the Donna Summer classic and call it a day.

Questions That Couples on Love Is Blind Should Ask Next Season for Way More Successful Relationships

How many times do you typically snooze your alarm in the morning? What is the correct pronunciation of GIF? Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Why or why not?  And more!

CARTOON: Bleeding Heart

Light headed. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

Amendments to Your Wedding Guest List From Your Mom

Remove: The Caterers You’ve Hired: Tell them they won’t be needed, or welcome. Your Nonna said she would take care of all the food and that a family meal would be her wedding gift. She’ll unfortunately be stirring the gravy during your ceremony, so you’ll have to get married again at a later date for her to watch. Maybe the second time can be in a church instead of on some bucolic estate?

I Don’t Wear Makeup For Men, I Wear Makeup For The Ghost of The Confederate Soldier Who Haunts My Apartment

He’s not really one for this world, so we pretty much stay in the apartment. And he’s not totally outdated—recently he discovered Fox News and absolutely loves it.

CARTOON: Order Up!

Aim well! Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.


Patched and matched. Today's cartoon by Susanna Goldfinger.

5 Places to Find Your Hallmark Christmas Husband During a Pandemic  

An Open-Air Christmas Tree Lot, The Dilapidated Inn You're Fixing Up, The Snowy Grave of Your Husband, and more! 

Hallmark Channel Presents: Alt-right Rom-coms!

Carrying a Tiki Torch For You: Small town patriots Kirk and Allie meet while protesting the removal of a Confederate statue and sparks fly—literally, from their flaming tiki torches! Kirk falls fast for Allie, but in order to save the family hardware store, Kirk has already agreed to marry an Harvard-educated lady lawyer who voted for Hillary. Can Kirk find a way to save the store, be with the woman he loves, and maybe even lock up his fiancée?

When I Gave You My Virginity, I Didn’t Think You’d Put It In the Same Box As Your Childhood Teeth

We had a sweet relationship. You were the nicest first boyfriend a girl could ask for. You brought me coffee before class and taught me how to put air in my tires. In return, I gave you the most precious thing a girl has to offer: the eternal lotus flower of my immaculate virginity. 

Danielle Steel Chats With Guys On Hinge

[ALEXANDER liked DANIELLE’S photo, captioned “Sourdough-re-me.”] ALEXANDER: Was it light, fluffy, and soft to the touch? DANIELLE: Talk gluten to me, dammit!


Your first kiss!! Which type of face-masks are best? ... Page 34/ Win a Zoom chat video lunch date with Nick Jonas!! .... Page 38/ No need to social distance yourself from these hot shirtless hunk wall posters !!

CARTOON: Puzzle Love

Puzzling Love. Today's cartoon by Grayson Gibbs.

What Your Favorite Eagles Song Says About the Way You End Relationships

Doolin-Dalton: You don’t end relationships because you don’t have relationships.

Other Reality Dating Shows Willfully Misinterpreting Famous Love Quotes

* “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” - Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet * Now streaming on Netflix: A Rose As Sweet! One bachelor will date twenty women named Rose. The twist: he can’t see them or talk to them. He must decide which Rose to marry -- only by smelling them.

CARTOON: Cupid's Prep Table

Love and romance prepper. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.


Love at first fright. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

CARTOON: Noncommittal Candy Hearts

The excitement of meeting someone new...I guess...whatever who cares. Today's cartoon by Cerise Zelenetz.

A Guide to Your Chocolate Sampler Box

Cherry Cordial: Simple and sweet. Like the beginning of a relationship, before it’s clear that your partner is incapable of remembering your Wheaten terrier’s birthday. And more!

Hallmark Hanukkah Movies

Menorah or Less: Investment banker Ilan loses his money, his apartment, and his girlfriend when his firm goes under. He takes a job at a meal-delivery service where a late-night order for a pastrami sandwich leads him to Hannah who needs help saving her startup.

Dear Family, I’m Marrying The Green Lady M&M

Afterward, shuttle buses will take guests to the reception to be held at the estate of Bartholomew Richard Fitzgerald-Smythe aka Mr. Peanut. Dinner will be catered by Chef Boyardee himself and desserts provided by the Keebler Elves. (And yes, Ms.Green can eat chocolate. It is not cannibalism! We’re made of meat and eat pork. Same thing!!)

Love & Dating Advice Based On The Number Of Letters In Your First Name

Four Letters: You actually met the love of your life yesterday at 6:43 pm. Or you would have if you didn’t insist on getting pho again for like the ninth day in a row. Instead, that person you gave your number to will be ruining your life for the next eleven years.

Casting Call for the Supporting Role of Boyfriend - Apply via Submittable

To apply, carefully read and complete all sections (A-F) below. Submissions should be free of spelling and grammar errors. Submissions should also be free of your unsolicited commentary on the “super uptight” requirements for landing this role. 

CARTOON: Star-Popped Lovers

The static electricity between these two is incredible! Today's cartoon by Mike Shiell.

CARTOON: Trump Valentine

Are you tired? Because you've been Russian around my head all day. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

Love Me, Tinder! Worst Dating Profiles

Larry, 38, Nap enthusiast: My friends call me Lunchmeat Larry (except for my best friend, my mom, who prefers to call me Lunchmeat Lawrence), due to the fact that I smell uncannily similar to processed lunch meats,

CARTOON: Valentine Smarts

Chocolate Heart Inflation. Today's cartoon by Alexis Novak and Jason Chatfield.

New “I’m Not a Robot” Tests

Here’s a photo of your family. Click on the people you no longer talk to. Then click on the people who have asked to borrow money.

Hallmark Halloween Movies

Pumpkin Spicy: Ryan, a nice Christian man who probably voted for Trump — but it won’t come up — always wins the town’s annual pie contest with his classic pumpkin pie. But this year he has a new adversary — Sophie. And more.

I’ll Never Forget When I First Saw You (on Tinder While I Was Pooping)

Some say romance is dead. I myself had all but given up on love. Then I saw you. I’ll never forget it: I was sitting on the toilet as my bowels evacuated, mindlessly swiping away on Tinder, when you appeared on the screen.

Affairs of the State: Love Notes To and From Russia With and Without Love

August 10, 2015 Dear Donald, You like strong leaders. I am…

PlentyOfPrisoners and 11 Other Sites For People Who Confuse Crazy In Love w/Being In Love w/Someone Crazy

eHarmMe eBodilyHarmony ChristianMangle PlentyOfPrisoners AdultFiendFinder Cra-Cra…

Missed Connections Ads to My Childhood Crushes

Maybe our names aren’t the only things that go together? We…

Most Romantic Valentine’s Day Lies

  “I’ll love you forever.” In cosmic terms, a human…

Letter From the R-Train

My dearest Petula,   Please forgive me if my hand is slow…

I’m 99% Sure I Just Had Sex With My First Robot

It’s 0:04am. The year is 2075. The place is the city of Chicago…