Now it’s perfectly okay to use an empty wine or liquor bottle for a spirited game of spin the bottle, rather than the bottle of hand sanitizer that you’d been using for the past couple of years.
You can go back to inviting more than just a handful of people to your home, rather than just a smattering who must sit across the room from one another. Unless you don’t have more than just a few friends, which is a problem for another article to address.
It’s now okay to double-dip at the queso and guacamole stations again, but probably still best not to get caught.
No further need to trick partying friends into taking the vaccine by convincing them that the needle contains heroin. Now you all can just go back to using heroin exclusively!!
Sure, give the toilets a good scrubbing and sweep the floors, but no longer any need to dress your bathroom as if it’s going to be used as a mob torture / kill site.
Now that things are moving slowly back toward somewhat normal, you can toss your guests’ coats onto your bed, rather than onto your back lawn before setting them all on fire.
If one or more of your guests have too much to drink and need a place to stay, you can safely offer the use of your guest bedroom and /or couch, without having to sell your house quickly the following day.
With any luck, the only body count from your party will be due to having an overabundance of people standing on the balcony of your loft apartment, rather than the end result of a super-spreader event.
These days you prefer that party guests rifle through your medicine cabinets, so that they can all see that you’re bursting with COVID tests.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence