Summers are for children, college students, and adults who had the foresight to become teachers. It’s also for wealthy freewheeling adults, the kind who make enough money that they scamper off to Lisbon, Patagonia, and Burning Man every June, July, and August, but who somehow also work jobs that don’t mind they are gone most of the summer. Perhaps you have confused me for one of these “fun rich” types. I’m sorry to disappoint, but these multi-colored Tevas on my feet are my attempt to look hip for casual office Fridays, not for cruising the fjords of South America with my polycule.

Day-Long Hangover: Wake up cold, confused, and filled with regret. Leave ample time to rise. Add water consistently–too much at once will oversaturate. Infuse Excedrin in between painful realizations you can no longer drink without consequence. Whisk two McGriddles into your mouth while prone on your couch. Remember you have to work tomorrow.

Windshield wiper, A 15 min nap, A millennial slang decoder ring and more!