Posts

I’m Bombarding You With Texts Before Election Day So You’ll Definitely Vote for Me

9:32 AM — Hi! I’m your state’s Republican candidate for Governor. I got your number from some voter registry list. Can I count on your support this Election Day? I’m texting you because I don’t trust the polls and figure if I slide into your phone without consent, you’ll definitely vote for me. 9:33 AM —If you want to opt out of these messages reply “STOP” and I’ll continue sending them to you.

8 Public Venmo Exchanges your Subconcious Didn't Need to Overanalyze Today

$42.00 from your therapist to her friend Krista for “cocktails Thursday night” - only two hours after your evening session. Is your stress so damn taxing on your therapist that she simply has no choice but to drink her annoyance away? Are you what’s pushing her to have to unwind like this? This feels like a slippery slope.

Managing Your Email Notifications

The "Jesus Christ What’s This Newsletter" is a weekly collection of totally unrelated things that are trending on Twitter, hot on Instagram, Snapchat stories and things to click on that have no connection to anything but are guaranteed to distract you.

The VERY URGENT Presidential Alerts!

I heard what you said about me earlier today, and the secret service guys should be knocking down your door in 3... 2... 1.... Okay, ha, just kidding! But try to think before you speak next time, 'kay?