Posts

Op-Ed: I’m the Alien Controlling Mike Pence from Inside His Skull–Farewell, Earth 

I understand the grief many of you might feel now that you know the truth about Michael. Some of you loved him. Others despised him. But please, accept this: there is no “Mike Pence.” Michael was never real...

CARTOON: Intergalactic Taxes

Alien-nating paperwork. Today's cartoon by Tyson Cole.

Truly Terrible Signs That You Were Abducted By Aliens And Then Mindwiped

Large portions of the Bible no longer make very much sense. Rebel flag in the front yard is now hot pink and purple rather than red and blue. VHS tape of Legally Blonde 2 obviously watched but not rewound. And more!

We, The Invading Aliens, Would Like To Thank Everyone Who Refused To Protect Themselves From Us

When your scientists discovered that each person we beam aboard our ships allows us to become stronger, the so-called “patriots” dug their heels in and vehemently declined protection. Despite the knowledge that being beamed aboard our ships could result in serious illness, severe probing, or death, they wanted nothing to do with the serum. Even when those we abducted were released back to earth and repented, urging anyone who was not yet protected to get the serum, they said, “I’d rather take my chances with the aliens than your newfangled potions.”

The Weyland-Yutani Corporation, is Pleased to Announce that the Nostromo is No Longer Under Quarantine

I know that many of you have been severely worried about what has been happening in your home, the commercial starship Nostromo. With the recent and prolonged attack from the alien that popped out of Kane, we know there is a real sense of worry about becoming impregnated and/or mutilated by said alien. Which is why we are messaging you today to update you on the state of the Nostromo and relieve some of those misguided fears.

CARTOON: Missing

About yay high and Shiny? Today's cartoon by Dave Whamond.