How to Do the Monkey Bars as an Adult

In adulthood, the monkey bars become a rare and mythical concept. Like a unicorn, or a pickleback shot you don’t immediately regret. But if you’re like me, you’re either looking to recapture a shred of your childlike innocence, or you’re seeking revenge against Amelia, who beat you in the monkey bars contest in 3rd grade. Here are a few things you should consider.

An Honest and Thoughtful Online Review of Timmy’s Sleepover

[EDIT- Timmy’s parents insisted I remove this last sentence, calling it slander, but in the hall I also heard them talking about that “weird little grumpy kid” who was staying over, and “why was Timmy even friends with him?”, so I have little sympathy for arguments citing slander.]

Building on the Success of Our School’s Pajama Day

MMA Day: So today will be your child’s opportunity to get in the cage for up to three five-minute rounds with whomever he or she finds especially annoying. Dress them in shorts today. No shoes. Padded gloves recommended but not required.

I Never Said Goodbye to My Barber

I have recurring nightmares about seeing Sal again. In one, I run into him on the street while I’m sporting a fresh cut. I try explaining that I of course prefer his work, but I’m only in town on holidays, when the shop is closed. Yet he ignores my blathering and thinks I’ve betrayed him. Maybe he’s right.

Sea Monkeys, A Starter Kit for Disappointment

Long before Facebook and Instagram gave the masses the tools…

Missed Connections Ads to My Childhood Crushes

Maybe our names aren’t the only things that go together? We…

Rejected Prom Themes

Enchanting Night Of People You’ll Never See After Graduation Dance…