Building on the Success of Our School’s Pajama Day
Dear Parent,
The remarkable success of P.S. 5,823’s Pajama Day has inspired us to add a few more fun/educational days to our elementary school calendar. Please join us in these celebrations of active learning!
Depends Day
September 14th
We all have those days when we don’t feel like getting up and going all the way into another room just because nature is calling. Nature has various calls—bird calls, cat calls, etc.—that have a different tenor, tone and information for each of our students. What if nature were calling in a high, screechy voice for your child to jump off a cliff? Would you want her raise her hand, get out of her seat, leave the classroom, and miss crucial minutes of multiplication table review just to kill herself? Depends Day will help students stay focused on the day’s lessons, which will include a discussion about astronauts. Teachers will also be wearing diapers so that no one feels left out.
Lingerie Day
November 1st
They’re growing up so fast! Our students’ future social interactions may at different stages be conducted in goth regalia, business casual, orange jumpsuit, spandex, clown costume… who knows? It’s never too soon to familiarize them with learning, working and socializing in the types of attire they may find themselves in due to various business and pleasure circumstances. Don’t limit your child to the frilly offerings of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. Encourage them to explore their kinky sides on Lingerie Day. Is there a dominatrix in your little Debbie? A masochist in your little Mikey? Harnesses, whips, leather masks, handcuffs, whatever. As Elsa sang in Frozen, let it go!
Drunk Day
January 20th
Sometimes you need a hair of the dog. Especially if you were out late the night before and are expected to be in any condition at 8:00 AM to teach 30 loud, wild creatures that cannot sit still for more than a minute at a time. Parents can bring their favorite alcoholic beverages to share with staff and students for an early morning mixer that will get our day off to a fluid start. At some point, our children are going to have to learn to handle themselves while they are inebriated. And there will be times when they will need to recall important events that took place while they were blotto the previous day. Why not practice in a safe environment? Parents will be able to participate as we all take turns reading aloud from Charlotte’s Web while we’re intoxicated. A quiz on the plot, characters and themes will be given the next day, along with aspirin and strong coffee.
MMA Day
March 6th
Breaking up fights, confiscating weapons, separating squabbling friends, reprimanding bullies—so much time is given over to these tasks on most school days that we honestly no longer know whether our students are learning real-world skills for conflict resolution. So today will be your child’s opportunity to get in the cage for up to three five-minute rounds with whomever he or she finds especially annoying. Dress them in shorts today. No shoes. Padded gloves recommended but not required.
William Golding Week
June 25th – 29th
This week-long workshop-style project is designed to enhance our students’ team building and communications skills. In honor of the author of Lord of the Flies, teachers will be off-site at a professional development conference in Bali for the last week of the school year. Children will be safely locked inside the school with a family of wild boars. A conch shell will be left in the cafeteria. Clothing optional, but supplies should include a sharpened stick and two pieces of flint.
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Justin Courter’s humor pieces have appeared in The American Bystander, McSweeney’s and elsewhere. His books include the novel The Heart of It All. He lives in New York.
