Lies Your Wife Has Told You

Back hair isn't gross, it's just part of your body, and she loves all of you. Refurbishing old bird houses is a cool hobby. She doesn't even know your iPhone password, and how dare you! And more!

CARTOON: Space Case

Room to breathe? Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Upgraded

Updating sex drivers. Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

CARTOON: Desserted

Some are not a flan. Today's cartoon by Steve Daugherty.

CARTOON: Sound Off

Nap app. Today's cartoon by Lynn Hsu.

CARTOON: Mean Clean

Sorry, can't hear you. Today's cartoon by Brian Hawes & Seth Roberts.

Amendments to Your Wedding Guest List From Your Mom

Remove: The Caterers You’ve Hired: Tell them they won’t be needed, or welcome. Your Nonna said she would take care of all the food and that a family meal would be her wedding gift. She’ll unfortunately be stirring the gravy during your ceremony, so you’ll have to get married again at a later date for her to watch. Maybe the second time can be in a church instead of on some bucolic estate?

CARTOON: Order Up!

Aim well! Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

News Briefs: Marriage

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

New Uses For Obsolete Bras

Dog harness, Privacy screens, and more uses for all those unused bras.

A Few Thoughts on All These Couples Self-Isolating Together and How I, a Reality TV Executive, Can’t Get a Camera Crew Across State Lines to Film Them

Think of the hundreds of hours of tearful confessional booth footage that will never be captured, never even make it to the editing room. I’m telling you, this will be our national treasure left buried. Our ark of the covenant. Our holy grail.

CARTOON: Whale Whine

Time to move to the tail. Today's cartoon by Madeline Horwath.

CARTOON: Vision Zero

If I squint, I can see the denial. Today's cartoon by Cerise Zelenetz.

CARTOON: Keeping Up

Feeling stranded? Today's cartoon by Steve McGinn.

The Metaphysics of the Second Date: A Syllabus

The Metaphysics of the Second Date: A Syllabus Professor: Lone…

Relationship-Wrecked With Dr. Kit Lively

Dear Dr. Kit...How can you tell if your boyfriend is a serial killer? Are there obvious signs that I may be missing? I found a bloodied selection of what appear to be human teeth in a small pile in his workshop, and that's gotten me to thinking... there have been other things that I may be overlooking as well. What do you think?