I’m a Horse, and I Never Asked to Be Anyone’s Therapist

Riding me is one thing, but when people want to disclose their most depraved thoughts I’m like, “Whoa whoa whoa! Maybe we should get to know each other a bit first!”

CARTOON: Butt Of Course

That's why the long face. Today's cartoon Sarah Morrissette.

CARTOON: Falling Hopes

Confidence can only get you so far. Today's cartoon by Nathan Cooper.

How to Prepare for Horse Girl Season Even Though Those Oversized Beast-Thingies Smell Like Poo

First step to becoming a Horse Girl is to get hair extensions if you don’t already have big, wild, glorious hair. It is scientifically known that horses only respect chicks who have tresses as-volumey or poufier-than their own. Otherwise, they will toss you off their backs into a pile of fire ants, and right in front of a hot stable boy named Dante. Which would be your own fault! So get the hair, learn how to blow dry it, and have backup volumizing spray in your saddle bag at all times. The fire ants are even ruder than the horses.

Thanks To The Pandemic, Nobody Cares That I’m A Centaur

Look, I can think of a LOT of downsides to this pandemic. This constant, gnawing sense of uncertainty, a vague creeping panic over what tomorrow might bring, the inability to leave your house or live an ordinary life, maybe forever! But there ARE upsides. For me, anyway. Because thanks to the pandemic, nobody cares that I’m a centaur!

The Cavalry Is Running Late

2:25 p.m.: Had to turn back. Alvin forgot his horse. Don’t feel like you have to wait for us to start the battle! 2:27: p.m.: Is there free parking in the scorched castle? 2:30 p.m.: Can’t find the horse. Checking bottomless pit in town square.