Hey there! We saw you failed your NYPD psychological evaluation a record 11 times. Sounds like someone is playing the long game for an exciting, rewarding career with ICE. Let’s chat. Just not in public. Reply YES to schedule a virtual meet-n-greet.

This Sign Is Heavy!, Close Your Mouth, I Can Hear You Breathing, Please Ask Me About My New Tattoos, and more!

Autumn-leaf adorned travel mug: When it comes to holding your favorite cider, hot cocoa, and saline solution to rinse out your eyes after your peaceful protest gets tear-gassed, we see this trend being so hot it burns.

The U.S. Attorney’s Office has indicted Superman, otherwise known as Clark Kent, 30, on one count of unlawful reentry of a deported alien. He has also been referred to by the alias “Man of Steel.” It’s unknown if this is a gang moniker.  “Fake names are often used to disguise the identity of illegals.” A masked ICE officer who preferred to remain anonymous told us at the scene.    

King For A Day: Contestants compete in a series of challenges in order to get the chance to spend a day with President Trump.  In most cases on a day when there are serious security concerns about the president’s safety at public speaking events.