Andrew is a writer from Orlando whose work has appeared on McSweeney’s, Cafe.com, Robot Butt, The Higgs Weldon, Parent.co, Scary Mommy, Mock Mom, and HuffPost. His first book, Fatherhood: Dispatches From the Early Years, is available now. For more, visit his website and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/featured-image-template-thumbs.jpg 330 432 Andrew Knott https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Andrew Knott2018-06-18 14:48:362018-06-18 14:48:36It’s Not the Holocaust Tho
ME: Separating families at the border is criminal. We can’t let that happen in America.
GENERIC REPUBLICAN: Calm down. It’s not the Holocaust!
ME: Umm. I didn’t say anything about the Holocaust. Comparing anything to the Holocaust is counterproductive in that it inflames discourse and is almost certainly inaccurate from a historical perspective. However, tearing infants away from their mothers while they are breastfeeding is unconscionable. Don’t you agree?
GR: All I’m saying is the Holocaust is a thing that happened in Germany in the 1930s and 1940s and I think we should keep that in mind.
ME: OK, I agree. But the existence of the Holocaust does not absolve every wrongdoing perpetrated by governments or individuals that does not rise to the level of systematic extermination of millions of people. Right? For example, it’s fucking outrageous that our government is operating facilities where migrant children are practically incarcerated.
GR: Woah, woah, woah. There’s no need for that kind of language. Just because you hate Trump doesn’t mean you have to be vulgar and claim everything he does is worse than the Holocaust. What happened to rationality and common decency?
ME: I’m sorry if my language is more offensive to you than our government committing human rights violations. Recent reports indicate that there are murals of Trump in these detention centers for children with generic aphoristic quotes about hard work. Also, border patrol agents are lying to parents, telling them that they are taking their children for baths. Only later do the parents realize that their children aren’t coming back. Can you imagine what that must feel like?
GR: There you go with the Holocaust talk again. Your tone is really starting to offend me. Should I draw a little mustache on my face and then you can call me Hitler? Would that make you feel better?
ME: Again, I haven’t mentioned the Holocaust or Hitler. I’m upset with what is happening right now in our country. In addition to these detention facilities for children, reports indicate that the government is planning to build tent cities to house more detained children. I don’t know what comes next. It seems like there is no accountability. We must stop this before it’s too late.
GR: The Holocaust was terrible. I think about how terrible it was a lot. For you to suggest otherwise is offensive on so many levels. This ain’t the Holocaust, Jack!
ME: Yes, you mentioned that. But, speaking of Jack, it’s telling that republicans seem more concerned about the Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey being “attacked” for tweeting about Chik-fil-A during Pride Month than babies being taken away from their parents at our borders. What does…
GR: THE CONSTANT ATTACKS ON THE RELIGIOUS FREEDOM OF CHRISTIANS IN THIS COUNTRY IS WORSE THAN THE HOLOCAUST!