Just for fun, I post my social security number on Reddit. I change all my passwords to “whatever,” and my security questions to Highlights Magazine word-searches. I change my political affiliation to “undecided, seeking suggestions.” I start trials on every streaming service, even fake ones like Paramount+. Like an unsupervised child, I allow any and all cookies. I haven’t cleared my cache in weeks and yet, mentally, I’ve never been clearer. Instead of URL I see “You are loved.”

You need a credit card number? Joke’s on you, because every piece of my buying habits you get, I get a few points closer to a free scarf from Banana Republic.

When the Internet God created coupon codes. Today's cartoon by Tyson Cole.

Here’s a photo of your family. Click on the people you no longer talk to. Then click on the people who have asked to borrow money.