As Donald Trump’s administration continues to take shape, Rudy Giuliani has assumed the all-important role of being the President’s cyber security adviser. But it’s not just the President who can use Mr. Giuliani’s help—here are just a few of Rudy’s foolproof cyber security tips that are guaranteed to help keep every American’s computer safe.
Never tell your password to anyone unless they work for the NSA.
Email services like Gmail and Outlook are insecure. Sign up for RudyMail instead—only $9.11 per month!
Be sure to install a firewall, which Mexico will pay for.
If you download a virus while watching porn, Sean Spicer will tell the Apple Store something less embarrassing on your behalf. Alternative facts, baby!
Never leave your Seamless account open in the same room as a hungry Chris Christie.
If Anthony Weiner sends you an email, don’t download the attachment.
Computers are like wives: you should upgrade to a newer model when they get too old.
Using a private email server is one of the worst things you can do, unless your name is Steve Bannon, Reince Priebus, or Kellyanne Conway, in which case it’s totally fine.
Make sure your password is something that you’ll never forget. For instance, “NineEleven.”
Most important of all: Make Internet Safe Again!
Bennett Kleinman is a writer living in Manhattan, New York. He currently contributes to ClickHole, and in the past has written for Late Show with David Letterman, Impractical Jokers, and truTV’s Almost Genius. In addition, he’s a member of the NYC-based sketch comedy team Cool Kid Comedy. Feel free to follow Bennett on twitter @bennettkleinman if you’d like to, although no worries if you’d rather not.