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***UPDATED: Health Advisories for Outer-Space Visitors

The Intergalactic Council for Disease Control has issued new guidance for travel to Earth, relaxing some restrictions. Most travel illnesses on Earth are minor, such as thorax rash, overhydration, or motion sickness from TikTok.

CARTOON: Unreal Estate

Need more space? Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

CARTOON: Space Cowboy

Some people call me Maurice. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

The Aliens On Mars Respond To Jeff Bezos’ Inhabitance There 5 Years From Now

From what I heard about Earth, this kind of colonization of peaceful places is...common? Things have gotten so much worse despite the ominous smile logo of the company that’s now on our new planet flag. 

I, Jeff Bezos, Am Purposefully Going Into the Cold, Black Void Known As Space, But You Shouldn't Be Worried

Sometimes you just have to get away, and what place is more away than space? You all turn your phones on airplane mode every now and then; well, I need to travel to space every now and then and unplug. And now that I’ve referenced it, let me address the dirty rumor upfront: when I say unplug I don’t mean get out of reach of all Amazon Alexa technologies because a recent bug in a software update is about to trigger the Amazon Alexa Apocalypse. 

CARTOON: End Game

Best outcome for everyone. Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

The Weyland-Yutani Corporation, is Pleased to Announce that the Nostromo is No Longer Under Quarantine

I know that many of you have been severely worried about what has been happening in your home, the commercial starship Nostromo. With the recent and prolonged attack from the alien that popped out of Kane, we know there is a real sense of worry about becoming impregnated and/or mutilated by said alien. Which is why we are messaging you today to update you on the state of the Nostromo and relieve some of those misguided fears.

It’s Me, Venus, And After Putting Me in the Uninhabitable Zone, You Finally See I Had Life All Along

So here I am. No rings. No moons. I’m just a planet, standing in front of another planet on the brink of disaster, asking its scientists to believe there’s life in me. Earth might spin in my opposite direction, but to me, you are perfect. Choose me. Inhabit me. Let me make you happy.

NEWS BRIEFS: Space

Weekly Humorist News Briefs. Breaking news, Into Little Pieces.

CARTOON: Leader?

Let's circle back. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Universal Emergency

And we thought Scroktux Cril was annoying! Today's cartoon by Kit Lively and David DeGrand.

CARTOON: New Dumbo Movie!

CARTOON: Alien Trashy TV

The Hottest Travel Destinations on TRAPPIST-1

In our present day, when it may be best to evacuate Earth, NASA…