CARTOON: Cool Teach

Consuming mushy knowledge. Today's cartoon by Andrew Dicus.

"Don't Smile Until Thanksgiving" and Other Tips for New Teachers

To earn your kindergarten students’ respect, start the year off strict and smile-free. Your students might test your anti-smiling resolve prior to Thanksgiving by saying cute things like, “You’re my best fwend” or “I wuv you.” Do not break. If students catch you smiling before Thanksgiving, they will probably assume you are a professional clown.

CARTOON: Whale Tales

Thar she blows, it's the bell. Today's cartoon by Joseph Dottino & Alex Pearson.

Welcome Back Students! Here’s Your Fall (of Humanity) Schedule!

Students will begin each day by sitting in a Safe Space Scream Circle. Punching bags are available for students who require a physical outlet of their brewing rage upon facing the harsh realization that existence past year 2050 is unlikely.

Ms. Bauer’s 5th Grade School Supply List (and Coping Mechanism) for 2021–2022

72 No. 2 Pencils (latex-free): These MUST be pre-sharpened. We’ve lost so much instruction time since March 2020 that we simply cannot waste precious minutes of the school day using the pencil sharpener. (Your kids will probably bring most of these home at the end of the year, unused.)

Remote Online Training Reluctantly Delivered To You Remotely From Your Remotely Conscious I.T. Staff

The Provost should have written this online guide, but he’s being tutored by his 9-year-old son learning HTML and Cobra in the likely event that budget cuts will slash our entire IT department. So after sharing some edibles, we are totally unprepared to prepare you.

A Back to School Message from Your Child’s Teacher, Mr. Axl Rose

Welcome to the Jungle Gym, aka Room 16. My name is Mr. Axl Rose,…