The CEO of Frontier Airlines Addresses FAQ’s On The New Merger

“Frontier Airlines and Spirit Airlines, the two largest ultralow-cost carriers in the U.S., have agreed to merge, creating what would become the fifth-largest airline in the country.” -CNBC, Monday, February 7th, 2022.

 

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What’s up, party people?! As we enter a new Frontier in the world of aviation with this exciting merger, I vow to keep the Spirit of these two special airlines alive. Here are some answers to the questions we keep getting about the crashing, I mean merging, of our state-of-the-art companies.

 

What will the new airline be called?

 

After hours of deliberation and brainstorming to find the best way to combine our two great names, we’ve decided on Front-tit.

 

Is my pre-purchased Spirit plane ticket still valid under Front-tit?

 

To all our loyal customers, we see you and we hear you. YOU are valid. That being said, of course your ticket is null and you’ll need to purchase a new Front-tit ticket for your upcoming flight with us.

 

What happens to my rewards points from programs like Free Spirit and Frontier Miles?

 

Your rewards points can be redeemed for a series of prizes akin to what you’d find in a Dave & Busters.

 

What are your plans to handle common issues like overbooked flights?

 

With Front-tit, we are happy to report a total commitment to ending this issue. Henceforth, any and all passengers on overbooked flights will play musical chairs for the duration of their time in the sky. You see, if everyone isn’t seated at the same time, no one will notice that they don’t have a permanent seat!

 

Will Frontier or Spirit stop flying to my city after the merger?

You’d be so lucky, but no. We plan to infiltrate more and more cities as we grow stronger and more powerful by the minute.

Will there be options for On-Flight Entertainment?

Of course! We want to make sure our Front-tit passengers are comfortable and entertained for their stay with us. New on-flight entertainment options include:

1. Fight Club:  Sit back and relax as two grown men beat the shit out of each other over a mask mandate that we barely enforce anyway.

2. Project Runway: Watch as people come up with increasingly innovative ways to disguise their personal items as clothing to avoid our exorbitant baggage fees!

3. Snakes On A Plane:  We plan to just let loose some snakes on our planes every once in a while to keep things interesting.

 

Will Front-tit have a first-class option available?

Yes! First-class will be renamed “Frontitties Club” and will include a glass of warm Mountain Dew and 1 centimeter of extra legroom.

 

What are your plans for the future of Front-tit?

 

One of my long-term goals is to get an exclusive Front-tit TSA check. Here, we’ll let anyone through who can answer one very easy riddle. Some might see this as “dangerous”, but that leads us to the announcement of our new company slogan: “No Flight-risk, No Reward.”