We got ahold of the transcripts from his meetings with network executives. Here are some excerpts from Mr. Trump’s pitches for his new shows airing on Trump TV.
“Remakes, guys. I want all remakes. They’re very hot right now.” – Donald Trump
1. How I Met Your Mother
“I don’t know what the show is yet, but the good thing is we know we can make at least 3 seasons”.
2. Game of Thrones
“You know how everybody loved that kid, Geoffrey? Well I don’t know if you saw, but they killed him off. This is the spinoff where we bring him back. He’s adorable.”
3. The Cosby Show
“We bought the syndication rights for nothing. That Bill Cosby is a very funny man.”
“This one is obviously about crooked Hillary. I know there was already a 12 hour congressional hearing about Benghazi, and Wikileaks showed her Wall Street transcripts are clean, but this show imagines if they weren’t.”
5. How to Get Away with Murder
“Just in case people miss that other show Scandal. Same idea.”
6. Get Smart
“We all want to, but only the Donald knows how. I’ll teach you, but don’t tell CHYINA. We’ll be losing very badly to them if they get to see this show.”
7. Modern Family
“This one is a pretty freaky nightmare … except that Ed O’Neil guy. I like him, he reminds me of myself for some reason.”
8. Stranger Things
“This one is about the basement at Trump Towers. My people tell me it’s really spooky down there and I should really be concerned. Love those kids. They’re gunna be stars.”
“Frankly my kids are incredibly creepy. I’ll admit that. I’m going to air this show and who knows, maybe I’ll learn a thing or two about how you’re “supposed” to raise a daughter.
10. 2 Broke Girls
“Lazy, lazy lazy…”
“The blacks love me. Don’t believe me? I keep a list of them.”
12. The Good Wife
“Hilarious, right? The title’s ironic.”
13. Big Bang Theory
“This one’s about me.”
“Except mine is better. Doesn’t have that loser, Tortoise. It’s me and America’s sweetheart, Billy Bush. We rent a bus and go around and see if we can make it big”.
15. Leave It to Beaver
“This one seemed like a good title for our after-hours programming.”
Matt Steinberg is a NYC stand up, writer, and recent grad of NYU. He formerly got coffee for the writers of Late Night With Seth Meyers and Director Jeremy Garelick. They all say Matt makes a mean cup of joe.