What Your Preferred Spelling of the Jewish Festival of Lights Says About You as a Person

No one–regardless of religion–knows the correct spelling of the Jewish wintertime holiday celebration. In the end, it’s a matter of personal preference. Here’s what your preferred spelling says about you.

Hanukah: You grew up in a high-conflict household, so you’re afraid to rock the boat. You know this spelling doesn’t feel right, but it also seems like the least likely to spark controversy. No double letters, no “Ch-,” no hiding in your room while your family brawls over who left the light on in the car.

Chanukah: Only child. You own the complete works of Philip Roth and Michael Chabon. While the other kids were watching Disney Channelyou and your parents were listening to jazz. The proudest moment of your life was when you were retweeted by Bari Weiss.

Hanukkah: You were a big deal at sleep-away camp. As an adult, you own a blue and yellow sweater that has a pun about latkes. You can name every Jewish professional athlete. You are often the “token jew;” in elementary school your mom came in to teach the class about Passover. From ages 8–13, your favorite song was “The Hanukkah Song” (which, un-coincidentally, is spelled this way). Your name is probably Josh.

Chanukka: Antifa sympathizer. You write fervent yet unintelligible anti-Trump Facebook posts. Each of these posts makes ample use of the phrase, “kehila kedosha.” You’re not voting for Marianne Williamson, but you think she makes some important points.

Hanuka: You have two Jewish parents, but every year your family purchased a Christmas tree. You’ve only been to one Bar Mitzvah in your life and it was for your second cousin in New York. This was also the only time you’ve been to New York.