Come Buy Our Grocery Store’s Matzah That We Advertise for Any and All Jewish Holidays!

Shalom, Jews! Our grocery store heard you have a holiday coming up soon. We love that for you! In honor of this Jewish holiday that is not Passover, we are proud to have a big ole endcap stacked with boxes of matzah.

In fact, we have everything you could ever need for this upcoming holiday that is not Passover: matzah, matzah ball soup, and grape juice. We heard that y’all like these foods so who are we to judge? You do you, Jews!

We want you to know that we are here for all of your Jewish holiday food prep needs. The Jewish New Year? Matzah. That one Day of Fasting? Sneak a little matzah in your purse. And Hanukkah, the biggest and most important Jewish holiday of all (we think)? Winter holiday matzah. (That’s regular matzah with some blue twinkle lights strewn around.)

That’s right: Our business is committed to ensuring that our patrons will never have to stress about where they’ll find their Hanukkah matzah.

We know what you’re thinking. Christmas — BLECH. Do we get you or do we super-get you, Jews? (We get you.)

We’ve mastered the balance of kinda sorta trying while saying, “Here’s some yeast-free crackers we’ve heard you enjoy?!”.

Funny story about your flatbread: Rick from the deli section had the munchies last week and ate, like, an entire box of the crunchy bread. His digestive system was out of whack for days. You’re champs, Jews!

And sure, even Siri could have told us that there is actually only one holiday a year when matzah is traditionally eaten. But we feel like we get the gist of the culture. We’ve seen Ross and Monica on Friends.

Seriously, we know about tons of Jewish stuff. Bagels! Lox! Seth Meyers, maybe! (We’re guessing.)

As you can see, our grocery store respects and appreciates all religions and cultures. We also appreciate an expiration date, and man, we have a lot of matzah to get off our hands!

Make sure to stop by next spring for our display of those shiny gold chocolate coins and spinning tops. (If Rick doesn’t eat them all first! Hahaha.)

To clarify, we meant that Rick might eat all of the chocolate coins, not all of the spinning tops. But hey, who knows! He’s an adventurous eater.

We look forward to your business. Thanks for choosing us for all your year-round matzah needs.