9 Great Urinal Conversation Topics

1. Cold out/hot out/regular temperature out.

2. These are good flushers.

3. What a week/can’t believe it’s only Tuesday/humpday!/Happy Friday.

4. [Act like you don’t see the person next to you].

5. Guess what I’m doing.

6. Do you think there’s a God?

7. I just stand here and pretend to pee for thirty seconds so I can control a tiny part of my workday. What brings you to the restroom?

8. Do you know any good songs we could harmonize on?

9. Hm.

Jonathan Zeller is a writer, editor and comedian who’s contributed to McSweeney’s, The New York Times, and Teen Vogue.