A Resume and Cover Letter for a Seat Filler at the Oscars

Thomas Tush
6969 Cheeks Drive
Basement Unit
Los Angeles, CA
tomtushsits@gmail.com
555-888-BUTT

Education:

University of Phoenix Online

2010 – 2014

Bachelor of Science in Sitting, with a concentration in Seat Filling

Minor in Standing for Standing Ovations

Skills:

• Quick to sit and stand when occasion arises

• Experience in laughing when a joke is told during an opening monologue

• Excels in tearing up when a winner thanks their family for all of their love and support

• Trained to appear like they could be a celebrity without upstaging actual celebrities

• Ability to sit for long hours without buttocks falling asleep

• Proficient in Word

Work Experience:

Sitting (Freelance)

Los Angeles, CA

1990 – Present

• Sits on couch watching TV for hours at a time with no and/or limited bathroom breaks

• Laughs, cries, and smiles at the appropriate times

• Demonstrates adaptability and sense of fashion by wearing dad’s old wedding tuxedo while watching Family Guy

Sitting Intern (Unpaid) at La-Z-Boy

Los Angeles, CA

Jun 2021 – Aug 2021

• Studied art of posture while seated in various couches, recliners, and love seats

• Recorded over 1,000 creases in couches

• Mastered social awareness of giving up seat for attractive people once they’re ready to sit down again after using the restroom

Study Abroad Student at The Thinker statue

Paris, France

Sep 2021 – May 2022

• Shadowed art piece several hours a day

• Perfected facial expression of feigned introspection

• Researched correlation between degrees of slouching and likelihood to be shown on live television

References:

• Mandy Sherman, ex-wife: Oversaw watching TV and not helping around the house (was the reason she divorced me)

• Jim Havens, La-Z-Boy Assistant Manager: Trained me during my time as a Sitting Intern and also gave me advice about girls

• The Thinker statue: Mentored me as a Sitting Research Fellow and instructed me on the process of using hands to convey emotion while sitting

Cover Letter:

To the Academy Awards Team:

My name is Tom Tush, and I am writing to express my deep interest in applying to the Seat Filler role at the 96th Academy Awards. I found your posting for the position on Indeed.

When I came upon the role of Seat Filler at your company, I was immediately intrigued. Ever since I was a child, I knew that Seat Filling was what I wanted to do with my life. Growing up, every chance I got to sit, I did. Before I could even walk, I was sitting. By age 9, I had set my sights on making sitting a career for myself. However, it wasn’t until my second semester studying at the University of Phoenix Online when I was first introduced to your organization. My Theory of Sitting and Being Engaged With People 1102 professor, Dr. Stan Butler, had raved about his time as a Seat Filler at the 82nd and 83rd Academy Awards. Hearing about his time sitting, standing, and clapping amongst the most sexy people in the country invigorated me to work hard and apply myself in my studies.

In the Sitting Industry, I’m considered one of the most prominent thought leaders. I’ve personally led the movement to remove the stigma for men sitting while they pee. It’s not a sign of weakness to sit, but a prioritization of personal comfort and making sure you have a seat at the table, especially in the emergency situation that Bradley Cooper needs to go potty. I know there’s a really big legacy to uphold here and that I have big shoes and seats to fill. It’s not lost on me the history of the practice and that I really stand, no, sit on the shoulders of the giants who led the way.

I hope to hear from you soon because I promise my expertise will blow you right off your feet back to sitting down.

Sincerely,

Tom Tush