Fortune Cookies for the Coronapocalypse
Beware of chaotic sexual energy that could land you in the ICU. No glove, no love. No mask, no ass.
Entries by Courtney Kocak
I Testify Before Congress in All My Fantasies
I can’t imagine anything more erotic than telling my story to America’s preeminent misogynists. Sweating in their suits as they question me. Wagging their erect fingers at me for slowing down an appointment critical to their agenda. Holy shit, my legs are quaking!
Flu Watch 2018: Symptoms We’re Already Dead
Reports are in, and the toxicity of this year’s flu strains, political climate, and general zeitgeist have combined to create a superbug so deadly that everyone is now a walking (but not for long!) case of sepsis. WARNING: Anyone who has the flu and develops the following signs of apocalypse should seek medical help […]
Valentines for America’s Most Beloved Sexual Predators
With Valentine’s Day fast approaching and so many winsome men dominating the news cycle, are you struggling to find the right card to give that special predator? #MeToo – but never fear! Since Time’s (almost) Up, I sat down to personalize Valentines for some* of our country’s favorite sexual predators so you don’t have to.** […]
Other Notable Trysts that Quincy Jones Forgot to Mention in His Vulture Interview
Post Vulture interview, Quincy got a couple quick BJs from his drive-by girlfriends to clear his mind and instantly remembered a dozen other noteworthy sexcapades that he forgot to mention on the record. As part of his endeavor to establish himself as THE motherfucking soothsayer who definitely ain’t scurred (COME AT HIM BRO, SERIOUSLY JUST […]