SURREY, ENGLAND – 1502 A.D. I’ve been sitting on this news (heh) for weeks, but I’m thrilled to finally announce that I’ll be joining Richmond Palace as King Henry VII’s new Groom of the Stool! I’m a HUGE fan of the king’s small intestine, and I can’t wait to sit across from him and pick his brain while his legendary guts do their thing. Other than being a Tudor, he’s totally self-made. I’m kind of stoolstruck, tbh.
About Evan Allgood
Evan Allgood has written for The New Yorker, New York magazine, McSweeney's, The Millions, Paste, and others. He lives in Brooklyn with his rescue dog, Petey. Follow and maybe later unfollow him on Twitter @evoooooooooooo.
Entries by Evan Allgood
Let those quaran-crushes know how you feel!
It’s not too late to buy for that hard-to-shop-for person in your life! By Evan Allgood and illustrated by Evan Lian!
Know before you go! An illustration list, written by Evan Allgood, and illustrated by Evan Lian.
You [Odysseus]: Strapped to the mast of your ship, begging for release.
Us [Sirens]: The flock of smoking hot bird-babes perched on the rocks, brutalizing you with our siren song. No one has ever resisted us before! Or since!