JUST ABOUT TO GO ONTO THE STAGE and face my opponent at tonight’s debate. And folks, I have never been more scared. Not of my opponent. Nor of the awe-inspiring responsibility of representing this proud district. But of spiders. Specifically, brown recluses. Yes, I know, very little venom, but they just freak me out okay? #VoteErnestRyan
Wake up, me! Stop dreaming and look alive! This is my moment. I see Them, their gloved fingers a crescendo of taps on the buttons above me, entering those precious numbers and letters that bring me to life, infused with the joy of guiding others to their sacred destination.
Hare-raising Conspiracies. Today’s cartoon by Jose Arroyo and Rob Kutner.
You need a credit card number? Joke’s on you, because every piece of my buying habits you get, I get a few points closer to a free scarf from Banana Republic.
Back-to-back vice-presidential briefings for JFK Jr , Totally booked between Pro-Life rallies and secret abortions, and more!
Lord and Lady Quittersley, Mr. and Mrs. Filthy-Commoner, and more.
“Rome is Where the Heart Is” (Saturnalia) – Augustina Septima Flavius is a Roman citizen in the year 122 C.E. who oversees grain taxation in the colonies, but can’t see the coldness in her own heart. That is, until one December when she and her phalanx of publicans invade the small, quaint, tax-evading town of Emotius Acres.
Unthinkable! Today’s cartoon by David DeGrand and Rob Kutner.
“Fight Club” – Brad Pitt and Ed Norton turn out to be the same person – when it comes to their taste in room décor. The real first rule of Fight Club? “Do not talk about where you got that adorable area rug!”
12:00pm – TRIBUTE: “Hello Kitty – 45 Years of Delighting Girls and Arousing Creeps” 1:00pm – GAMERS DISCUSSION: “What I‘m Told Sunlight Feels Like” and more.
Dressed-for-yoga MADISON has a higher-tech-looking FitBit-esque device strapped to her wrist. The device’s readout says, “KALE LEVELS LOW” and a robotic voice from it says, “Now teleporting you to Whole Foods.” She disappears in a whoosh of self-satisfaction.