Chucky’s Daily Planner
8:43 am – 9:36 am Crawl out from beneath pile of toys in this stupid asshole kid’s toy chest. Fucking heavy and unwieldy Deluxe Simon game!
10: 40 am – 11:16 am Hang out at Corvin Senior High to stalk my latest victim. Pretend to be just a doll in the senior ladies dressing room to catch a few peeks.
11:49 am – 12:38 pm Violently force terrified agents to destroy footage of my Jan 6th involvement.
1:07 pm – 1:57 pm Think back on asylum shrink’s advice to take some “me time” by stopping in for a luxurious manicure and facial treatment, only kill seven members of the staff.
2:19 pm – 2:31 pm Explain to the gal in the taco place for the seventh time that it’s a kid’s meal but for an adult, and that’s why the Capri Sun pouch needs a shot of tequila.
2:48 pm – 4:12 pm Consult ancient voodoo texts to determine if an expert practitioner could transfer their soul into one of the bidets in the female wing of the Playboy mansion.
4:30 pm – 7:00 pm Dinner with elderly woman who believes that I’m her grandson. Decent mac and cheese, and I think I may have only seen the second half of this Harry Potter once before. Let the old broad live, but with the aid of some cake frosting get rimmed by her cat before leaving.
7:17 pm – 8:06 pm Stalk and kill the members of a sorority house, mostly to get my hands on some trendier nail polish colors to add to my repertoire.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
