Game of Thrones Characters Cut for Being Too Game of Thrones
Tarserion & Dragaeryius: They are dragons. They are lovers. They are conjoined twins.
King Brett Brett: The 20-month old king who loves horsies, cuddles, and cruel and unusual executions.
The Volcano: A merciless brute whose nickname comes not only from his size and temper but also a condition where his head randomly sprays blood and sometimes brain matter.
Queen Debaryn: A proud and fierce queen who has yet to discover she’s somehow her own daughter.
Maester Reeman: The most learned and valued scholar across all the kingdoms. Spent decades in the laboratory mastering the art of removing blood from laundry, flooring, and upholstery.
Ser Rex the Loyal: Killed his younger brother, three uncles, and mother. Married his younger brother’s widow, three aunts, and ghost of his mother.
Darbo Crotchswapper: A mysterious priest who can masquerade as the deceased, but only in very specific regions of the body.
Ser Pymos: A fearless knight who can only be killed by one thing: being set ablaze during sex– which is also the only thing that can resurrect him.
The Pale Thrusters: An ever-growing horde of unclothed British bodies mindlessly advancing toward the capital but constantly delayed by stops for group sex.
The Talking Pile of Guts: A sentient pile of disemboweled human organs that has developed the power of speech.
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Alex Pearson has written for Funny Or Die, McSweeney’s, a couple cartoons you haven’t heard of, and even professional wrestling once upon a time.
