“Old grabby, kissy Uncle Joe. Can he really be trusted?
To be president?
If you wouldn’t be comfortable with him with your daughters, sisters, or mothers, would you be comfortable with him with your country?
Surely there’s another Joe Biden… Like me, the other, more likable Joe Biden.
That’s why this election, you should say “No” to Joe the Creep, and “Yes” to Joe the Veep.
I’m respectable statesman Joe Biden, and I endorse this message against handsy boss Joe Biden.”
“Joe Biden thinks securing a woman of color as his running mate before officially entering the race will compensate for any past questionable racial politics and behavior around women?
I don’t think so, Joe.
Instead of the guy chasing hasty and transparent political cover, why not vote for the guy who was, like, best friends with the first black president?
Just say “No” to Joe Biden from all the unpleasant drama and “Yes” to Joe Biden from all the memes with Obama.
I’m Barack’s cool, very good friend, Joe Biden, and I endorse this message against another old white man Joe Biden.”
“Senator Joe Biden wants you to forget all about his role in the Anita Hill testimony, but you can’t just erase history, Joe.
That’s why I, Joe Biden, am withdrawing my support for Senator Joe Biden for president. I can’t endorse a central figure from that episode of American politics.
Instead, I’m endorsing fresh-faced and scandal-free Vice President Joe Biden from that episode of Parks & Recreation.
So just say “No” to Joe Biden who makes you squirm and “Yes” to Joe Biden the closest thing to Obama’s third term.
I’m woke 2010s Joe Biden, and I endorse this message against stodgy 1990s Joe Biden.”
“It’s 2019, do we support an old dude with a history full of uninvited physical contact with women?
Or a grandfather who loves ice cream and trains?
Say “No” to Joe improper around females and “Yes” to Joe fun guy riding the rails.
I’m relatable, adorable Joe Biden, and I endorse this message against inappropriate Joe Biden.”
“Let’s show pre-2016 Joe Biden that we mean business.
Post-2016 Joe Biden 2020!
I’m 2019 Joe Biden, and I endorse this message against any prior Joe Bidens.”
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Alex Pearson has written for Funny Or Die, McSweeney’s, a couple cartoons you haven’t heard of, and even professional wrestling once upon a time.