How to Add Gen X Flair to Your Boring Hormone Therapy Replacement Patches
Sketch the original MTV logo on it
Stick a Holly Hobby Colorform to it
Bake on a Strawberry Shortcake Shrinky Dink
Sew a Girl Scout leadership badge through it
Spritz it with Love’s Baby Soft
Attach a Weepul
Get it monogrammed
Clip on a ribbon barrette
Rub a Smurfette temporary tattoo on it
Iron-on a patch of Bon Jovi’s face
Paint it gold, stick it in your belly button, and pretend your navel has a gold tooth
Acid wash it
Adhere a mood ring stone
Put a Frankie Says Relax pin through it
Cover it with a puffy Lisa Frank sticker
Glue on a Tone Loc cassingle
Glitter pen it with Class of ‘88
Put Bono’s sunglasses on it
Wear three patches at once, seeking a jolt of youth.
Craypa all three patches with yellow and black stripes, and tap dance around like the bee girl from the Blind Melon video.
Stick all your bespoke HRT patches onto an oversized denim jacket. List it on Etsy as a vintage original. Sell it for $1000.
Write “Paid co-pay with flair. Take that Reagan.” on your next HRT patch.
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Stacey Curran was a reporter, a bartender, a camp counselor, and a middle school teacher, which are all basically the same job. She now works in higher ed. She’s written for The Boston Globe Magazine, McSweeney’s, The Belladonna Comedy, Slackjaw, and The Boston Accent. Her essay in WBUR’s Cognescenti got her published on teen idol Shaun Cassidy’s Facebook page.
