Hyper Local and Hyper Petty: Your Town’s Facebook Group
Tammy Sanders: To the person biking past the corner of Walnut and Columbus at 7:30 AM this morning- pedal slower next time. You almost ran into me while I was going to get my coffee at Starbucks and I nearly dropped it.
Caroline Augusta: Event notice! At 12 pm today Caroline’s Cakes (next to the Starbucks) will be having a baking demonstration. All are welcome!
Gail Milano: Aren’t you only supposed to promote your businesses on Friday’s?
Barbara Klein: Today outside the Starbucks I saw our state’s bird, a goldfinch! What a nice surprise on a Tuesday morning!
Marc Crabtree: Goldfinches are a trash bird.
Barbara Klein: I haven’t heard of this classification of birds, Marc. Can you tell me more about “trash birds”?
Admin: I have turned off comments for this post. Please be civil.
Matt Colgate: I ordered my regular Americano at Starbucks today and someone stole it! Whoever it is, I hope you enjoyed it because you’ve been caught on camera.
Caroline Augusta: Another reminder that our baking demonstration is today at 12! We’re having a slow turnout and would love to see all you’re smiling faces. Stop by after getting some Starbucks
Tim Peters: It’s “your”
Katherine Williams: To the person who just ran past me and my kid to enter Caroline’s Cakes, I hope you read this because that was extremely rude of you. I’ll have you know we were going to that baking demonstration and now my son Aiden will only go to Starbucks for a donut, instead.
Gail Milano: Do you have a photo you can post? People are so rude.
Tracy Pikowski: I just moved here and notice people cut in front of you all the time. What’s up with this town?
Samuel Allen: No one go to the baking demonstration at Caroline’s Cakes today! I’m here and some guy just ran in and started a fire. Go to Starbucks instead.
Rebecca Chambers: Oh my god! Is anyone hurt?
Samuel Allen: Just the pastries.
Francesca Mason: I’d like to publicly call out the fire truck that is blocking the entrance to the Starbucks. Is this what we pay taxes for?
Paul Appleton: Caroline’s Cakes is on fire! Look at this beautiful photo I took of the scene while I was at Starbucks.
Dan Freda: I always like your photos, Paul.
Deidre Lakes: Just a head’s up- there are a lot of cops on the corner of Walnut and Columbus (near the Starbucks). I guess they’re arresting the guy that torched Caroline’s Cakes?
Bob Parsons: Cops are the worst.
Admin: I have turned off commenting for this post. This is an apolitical group.
Caroline Augusta: Hi everyone! Unfortunately, we have to shut down business after our business was burnt to the ground. We’ve enjoyed serving you.
Gail Milano: No posting about businesses!
Larry Yi: Is the Starbucks still open?
John Staples: Sirens are blaring by the Starbucks. I can’t hear any of the easy listening they’re playing.
Jamie Underwood: This town is so rude.
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Rachel Keller is a New Jersey based writer and student at NYU Gallatin School of Individualized Study. She has studied improv and sketch at the Upright Citizens Brigade. You can find a piece of her hair onscreen in the season finale of Madame Secretary.
