Jack Skellington Opens The St. Patrick’s Day Town Door
What’s this? What’s this?
There’s Guinness everywhere
What’s this?
There’s corned beef in the air.
What’s this?
I can’t believe my eyes, I must be dreaming
Wake up, Jack, this isn’t fair
What’s this?
What’s this? What’s this?
There’s something so absurd
What’s this?
There’s people slurring words
What’s this?
The streets are lined with little creatures laughing
Everybody seems so happy
Have I possibly gone daffy? What is this?
What’s this?
There’s children seeking rainbows instead of seeking heads
They’re busy picking shamrocks and absolutely no one’s dead
There’s pubs on every corner, oh, I can’t believe my eyes
And in my bones I feel the warmth that’s coming from inside
Oh look, what’s this?
They’re baking soda bread, the bliss!
Why that looks so unique?
Inspired
They gather all ’round to sing a song, “Shipping up to Boston” on a lyre
What’s this?
What’s this?
Look here they’ve got a little stream, how queer
And who would ever think?
And why? They’re dumping powder to tint the water green
They’ve got paramedics on scene and there’s a smile on everyone
So, now correct me if I’m wrong
This looks like fun, this looks like fun
Oh, could it be I got my wish?
What’s this?
Oh my, what now?
The boozers are passed out
But look, there’s someone thereabout
No rules, no hitches here to seize and jail them or despair them
Only little naughty teens secure inside their greenland
What’s this?
The monsters are all missing and the pumpkins can’t be found
And in their place there seems to be good feeling all around
Instead of screams, I swear, I hear Celtic music in the air
The smell of spew and piss are absolutely everywhere
The sights, the sounds
They’re ev’rywhere ‘n all around, I’ve nev’r felt shhoo goood beforrr
This empty space inside me, fillin’ uuup I sh’mply can’t get ’nuff, I wan’ it, oooh, I wan’ it, oooh, I wan’ it fer my own I go’ to know, I go’ to know Wha’ is this place tha’ I’ve found? Whaa’ is this!?
S’ Patrick’s Day Town?
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Julien is a Los Angeles based comedy writer and video editor. His work has been featured on McSweeny’s Internet Tendency, American Bystander, Points in Case, & Slackjaw.