Look What I Can Do! | God | TEDx

Hello! Good morning all!

 

I have to tell you I’m incredibly excited and a bit nervous to see all of you! I’m just going to call you all Devin is that okay? I’m assuming it is considering you’re all legally named Devin now because I just made it that way.

 

If you would all just check your wallets and look at your various forms of identification you will see that I’m correct because I always am…

 

Am I good or what?

 

Hello Devins!

 

I’m just going to get right into the quick and dirty stuff. Not only are you all named Devin now, but if you unzip your pants and take a look at your sex organs you will notice that you all have the exact opposite genitalia that you came in here with.

 

Go ahead take a look no one’s watching…

I mean…

Except for me cause I always am.

 

I have also made a few modifications to your digestive plumbing. You will all now defecate out of where you previously urinated and vice versa.

 

I don’t know why I did that. Just figured, “Why not?” If you don’t like it feel free to contact me. I am never too far away because I live in your fucking hearts.

 

OMG! HEY! THAT’S ME! I’m going to turn the chairs you’re sitting in into ham! BANG! Ham baby.

 

Devins. I want you to do something for me. I want you to take a look at the person sitting to the left of you and I want you to say I love you.

 

That’s nice.

 

Now I want you to cannibalize that person. Eat them… Feel the person to your right bite into you as you’re biting into the person to your left… I bet it feels like your eating yourself a little bit…

 

Wait a second… Why do all of you look really really old? Is this TED?

 

No?

 

Lakeview Nursing home?

 

Why didn’t you tell me Devin!

 

Ain’t that a kick in the pants.

 

As you were.

 

Hello TED Conference! Good morning all!

 

I have to tell you I’m incredibly excited and a bit nervous to see all of you! I’m just going to call you all Alex is that okay? I’m assuming it is considering… Never mind. Funny thing happened on the way over here. I accidentally switched around a bunch of old people’s sex organs and made them into cannibals cause I thought they were you haha!

 

Don’t you hate when that happens?