Most Commonly Accessed FAQs On The Farmers Only Website

“Would you please designate a special section of your site to pot farmers only? Thanks! PS- If adequately buzzed, I put out on the first date!”

“Do you have any guys on the site who don’t constantly chew tobacco? I’m really tired of my lady parts constantly smelling like a spittoon.”

“It’s incredibly sexy that the men on this site work off of the land; there’s something very primal and beautiful about that. However, please ask them to hose the shit off of their boots before picking me up for a date and traipsing all over my brand new Persian hand knotted silk rugs. For fuck sakes.”

“There’s a lot to like about these guys, but ultimately, we just didn’t click. Any chance you could just sell me a dildo that’s been spritzed with Stetson cologne?”

“Are you guys aware that all we have to do to meet a farmer is wear a pair of short shorts to a rodeo? Rodeos have Ladies Nights often, so it’s even cheaper than your service here. Also, seeing these guys in person helps out weed out the hunchbacks, etc.”

“Am I correct in thinking that, even if the guy in question is a cowboy, you shouldn’t get into a car with a date if you spot a spool of rope in his back-seat?”

“Once I’ve tried every other dating app out there, which is the last desperate attempt to find a decent man? Is it you guys, or Christian Mingle?”

“I’ve noticed that the guy I found via your app has dirty fingernails that smell sort of like poop. Is that just a farmer thing, or does this mean that he’s probably seeing someone else on the side?”