New On Broadway!

My Dinner with Andre II: Just Desserts
Andre Gregory and Wallace Shawn’s follow up to their 1981 movie, this sequel spends 3+ hours on an admittedly pedestrian dessert menu. The original actors reprise their roles; newcomers Harry Dean Stanton and Daniel Day-Lewis play “Spoon” and “Fork” respectively. A must see for “Andre” completists.
Madison Square Garden, tickets $100 8pm. Monday-Saturday. Runs through March.

 

Slaughter!
What happens when you release 250 coked-up ferrets in a glass cage with 10 unsuspecting baby koalas covered in peanut butter? Discover the answer for yourself as this smash off-Broadway production arrives on the Great White Way in late January. Time may be limited; PETA has filed an injunction.
The Broadway Theater, tickets $100 8pm, Monday-Saturday. 2pm, Sundays and Wednesdays.

 

They Came from Montreal
The latest Cirque du Soleil spectacle strips away the trapeze, the curtains, and all that crazy clown bullshit. Instead, attendees spend the night with a group of non-performing surly French Canadians in tights. Avoid sudden movements. Not suitable for children.
The Pantages Theater, tickets $75 8pm. Tuesday-Saturday.

 

Fox News: The Musical!
All the made up headlines, fear mongering, and misinformation of your favorite news channel comes alive in this thrilling musical. Songs like, “Go Back to Kenya, Syrians” and “Health is for the Wealthy” are true showstoppers. Stand out performances include Karl Rove as himself, and “Roger Ailes,” played by a huge, delicious muffin.
The Clark Theater, tickets $100 ($50 if you’re rich) 8pm, Monday-Saturday. 2pm, Sundays and Wednesdays.

 

Cosby Does Cosby
Watch as everyone’s favorite (alleged) sexual predator takes you through stories of his life, from his childhood in Philadelphia, to his work as a stand up comic, to his seminal work, Leonard, Part 6. It’s a night you’ll probably be too drugged out to remember.
Riker’s Island, tickets $10 10-15 years.

 

I’m a Little Teapot
A polka-based retelling of the Teapot Dome Scandal of 1921, starring Kirk Cameron and a lesser Kardashian. Honestly? It’s terrible.
Andrew Lloyd Webber Theater, tickets $75 In Previews.