originals
Overly Specific Rejected Facebook Emojis
Coked Up
“Check out my new dental work”
Super constipated
“Your period is HOW late?”
Clarence Thomas
Lady Gaga’s downstairs neighbor
Upset about Asian stereotypes during the Oscars
Mesmerized by Trump’s hair wafting in the wind
Definitely not a deranged psycho killer
Trump campaign manager
Rhonda Rousey’s sexual partner
“What do you mean they cancelled America’s Next Top Model?”
When the acid kicks in and you realize you’re a snake
The only person in the world that subscribes to Tidal
Just heard how much your friend gets back from taxes and hope they get audited
White trash
David Caruso from CSI: Miami…YeeeeeEEEAAAAHHHHHHH
Getting ready for beach season!
Movie Studio Exec hearing about the Mark Sievers case
Blowjob face
Reaction to anything Kanye tweets
Guy who supports public breast feeding a little too much
Hoda Kotb’s personal assistant
Had a sip of Flint, MI tap water
Botched double heart transplant
- About the Author
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Jon Daly has written for The Late Show with David Letterman, Almost Genius, and Binge Thinking, but he still has a tough time coming up with stuff to put on a birthday card. Send him generic b-day well-wishes on Twitter @jackperday
