Some Possible New Jobs for Tucker Carlson
“Fox News on Monday dismissed Tucker Carlson, its most popular prime-time host and one of the most influential voices on the American right.” –New York Times, 4/24/23
Marjorie Taylor Greene’s human dog
Public bathroom policeman
Proud head boy
Creepy guy standing outside Victoria’s Secret flagship store who hasn’t left in like 3 years.
Washed-up Fox News host who got fired
Camp director at Tucker Carlson’s Summer Camp for Real Men Who Still Sleep with a Binky
Production assistant at Newsmax
GOP diversity consultant
Melting wax figure of Tucker Carlson
Busboy at Trump Grill
Guy who posts really long diatribes about AI on LinkedIn
Florida man
Full-blown sexual predator
Opinion columnist for The New York Times
Witch
Podcast host
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Bobbie Armstrong is a former child, current writer and student. Her work has appeared on McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, Belladonna Comedy, Little Old Lady, and her parents’ fridge. Follow her existential crisis @bobbien_
