Posts

Some Possible New Jobs for Tucker Carlson
GOP diversity consultant, Melting wax figure of Tucker Carlson, Busboy at Trump Grill, and more!

The Bullshit Artist
George Santos, as we know, is also an international film star, he and his co-star Kitara Ravache, are up for an Oscar in the new film, The Bullshit Artist'! It's remarkable, with his animal charity work, elected office, and work as a eyewear model, that he finds the time to do it all! Fingers crossed!

Student Loan Acceptance: A Solution Brought to You By the Grand Old Party
Allow us, your humble allies in this pursuit of equality, to present a couple steps, also known as the Five Stages of Grief, to help you navigate and ultimately accept the overwhelming heartache that comes with knowing 19% of all your paychecks will be forfeit to your student loans as long as you draw breath.

21 Voting Groups Now Vying for the Position Formerly Held By Soccer Moms
Badminton Aunts, Pinball Wizards, Pickleball Playing Bros, and more!

Letter of Apology from George Santos
Did I make a few fibs about my income along the way? Maybe. It’s not entirely my fault, though. There was that thing at Maya Angelou’s annual solstice party when I thought Sting had asked me, “Are you South American?” To which I answered, “Brazilian”. But what he actually said was, “How much money did you make in 2008?”, and he thought I said, “A bazillion”. An honest mistake, and I realized later but didn’t want to correct him. I mean, it’s Sting.

Free Titles For Your Right-Wing Memoir
'Cancel Cancel Culture: Canceling Cancelation', 'Me First and You Maybe', 'My Pride and My Prejudice', and more!

As the Mechanic Who Changed Your Tires, if the Car Goes 100 Mph I’ll Take All the Credit, but if the Wheels Fall Off You Can’t Blame Me
I’m not saying the wheels are going to fly off your car, but I’m also not saying that. You can’t blame me that Jimmy’s mom Susan came in wearing a new blouse from Kohl’s and I got a little distracted. She just got out of the hospital last week. Looking real fine for 97.

The Republican Emperors Hereby Present You With An Opportunity To Become Esteemed Gladiators
We’re not kidnapping you, and we’re not forcing you to fight against your will. You aren’t pawns in some elaborate game... You are prized gladiator fighters– royalty even! As proof, here’s a gift card to McDonald's, and some armor we’ve crafted out of recycled Diet Coke cans.

Inventory List Of The FBI's Raid Of Trump
Secret identity of Q (it's Tony Danza!!) McDonalds' Grimace life size sex doll, Trump steaks made of real Trump! (mostly his mother) And more!

CARTOON: Dog Daze
Just scratching the surface. Today's cartoon by Steve Daugherty.

CARTOON: Nosey
Don't sneeze. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Zillow Listing for Ted Cruz’s Special Place in Hell
Why have more than one door when you’ll never leave? This is the paradise you thought was only for other people! Every exquisite feature of this bespoke property reflects your public record. Constructed by Unhallowed Homes and occasionally materializing near Cancun...

CARTOON: GOP in the Room
Vote them out. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

#RightWingKidShows
The Magic School-Choice Bus, Captain F The Planet, Blue's Coups, and more #RightWingKidShows on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Downhill
Some bad news...Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Muzzled Mocking
Opted Out. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Trump Recycling
Just Shredful. Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

Welcome to the Manchin-Sinema Diner. I’m Todd, and I’ll Be Your Stonewaller This Evening
See, the owners, Joe and Kyrsten, have a real vision for this place. They want it to appear to be a fully functioning restaurant, and bring in as many desperate customers as possible. At the same time, they’re working with a conglomerate based in Qatar that plans to raze this building to the ground and replace it with a parking lot that’s convenient to absolutely nothing.

CARTOON: Trump's Tell-All
Orange Juice is loose. Today's cartoon by Dave Whamond.

CARTOON: Post Trump Infrastructure Repair
Build it back stronger. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

The Witch Demands a Retraction: Fairy Tale Reboots For Adults - [Book Excerpt]
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Pinocchio Runs for Office, The Peeved Piper, Not So Snow White and so many more in this twisted collection of adult fairy tales! This hilarious collection of poems by Melissa Balmain puts a grown-up, contemporary spin on the stories and characters we all learned as children, from Little Red Riding Hood, to the Three Bears, the Pied Piper, and Cinderella; each delightfully depicted in full-color by Ron Barrett, (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) one of the best and award winning illustrators in the business. Now #1 in new releases on Amazon! Get your copy today!

#ConservativeKidsCartoons
Dudley Do AltRight, Paw Patrol Lives Matter, Inspect Her Gadget. and more #ConservativeKidsCartoons on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Old Normal
The other virus is back. Today's cartoon by Joe Wos.

I Wasn’t Concerned When A Stampede Of Raging Bulls Broke Into The Porcelain Shop Where I Work
Now, if the tables had been turned and the bulls were a herd of dairy cows, I might have been concerned. You know how dangerous those Jersey cows can be. Very concerning. No, they don’t behave the same as a bull or have the horns, but they are definitely more dangerous. I hate to think what could have happened if they’d been the cattle that had come to our shop. It would have been an “udder” disaster.

Q & Anon- Top Questions From QAnon's Website FAQ
Q: Is wiping front to back is the work of Satan and his minions (ie, Liberals). A: If you're wiping at all, you're several steps ahead than the vast majority of our members.

Unsurprising Revelations From Trump's 2nd Impeachment Trial
Trump enjoyed the scenes of destruction so much that he recorded over his VHS tape of sex with Stormy Daniels in order to preserve the footage.

CARTOON: Impeachment Defense Team's Arsenal
Also the classic 'I Know You Are But What Am I." Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: New Trump Twitter
Anti-social Media. Today's cartoon by Dave Whamond.

CARTOON: Free & Clear
Also steal as many supplies as you want. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

Sorry! These 5 Beloved Children Show Characters Grew Up To Be Republicans
Caillou from Caillou: Is this one really a surprise? Caillou is entitled, bratty, and viewed as a negative influence on children. It’s no shock that he grew up to become a Republican. He throws temper tantrums to get his way and is never punished for his actions. Caillou definitely stormed the Capitol.

Other Crazy QAnon Conspiracy Theories
Wearing a necklace of gluten around your neck will ward off Democrats. Socialists hold wet t-shirt contents using the tears of Jesus. And more!

Other Face Masks in Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Collection
'This is Orwellian', 'What Does Orwellian Mean?', 'No Really, Can Someone Explain It?' And more!

Names for Trump’s New Political Party
Mein Pillow, Trump’s Chumps, Turd Reich, and more!

CARTOON: Gotcha!
Can't take a little joke? Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

The Republican Twilight Zone
There is another dimension beyond all logic known to man. It is a dimension of arrogance as vast as space and as bottomless as voter fraud allegations. It is the middle ground between Mike Pence and Kelly Anne Conway, between science fiction and Trump Tweets. It lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of man’s maskless indoor gatherings. It is an area which we call... The Republican Zone.

CARTOON: Read Between The Lines
Decoding. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Horny Politics
Times they are a changing. Today's cartoon by Mat Barton & Adam Cooper.

CARTOON: Burning Question
Could get much better!? HAHAHAHA. Not! Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

Why I, A Rat, Won’t Tolerate One More Day on This Sinking Ship
And here we are. I don’t like to use the word hero (though I’m sure I will, many times, when I write my memoirs). I’m just a simple rat who knows right for wrong when I see it. And then, someday, after years of consideration, I finally choose to listen to the searing fires of my burning conscience. It’s what any good, patriotic rat would do.

CARTOON: Riot Geared
How embarrassing. Extra feather? Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

Punishing Trump With AddenDUMBS To The 25th Amendment
25 B-7: Trump forced to live in a run-down condo with son Eric as a roommate, for a minimum of no less than seven years. 25 J-7: Louie Anderson to portray Trump in any / all future tell-all movies (this will drive Trump crazy!!). 25 N-2: The McRib? Gone forever, never to return. And more!

CARTOON: ASSterisk President
Definition of Sedition. Today's cartoon by Brandon Hicks.

Revised Lyrics to "Midnight Train to Georgia"
So, he called up some folks / (Wooh, wooh, wooh-wooh) / And asked for thousands more votes / (Wooh, wooh, wooh-wooh) / Scheming for a way to get back, to the life he once knew / Oh, yes he did, he said he would / Oh-oh, he’s cheating (Cheating)

Quiz: Trump Pardon/Not A Trump Pardon
1. Boris and Natasha (Espionage, Attempted kidnapping of Moose and Squirrel) 2. Charles Manson (Cult Leader) 3. Susan B Anthony (Resisting Arrest) and more!

Fired and 14 Other Potential Magazine Covers for Trump
Creeple, Trolling Stoned, Poor Sports Illustrated, and more!

Memo from the Office of the Vice Chancellor of the Lizard Overlord Project to the Costuming Department
And what is going on with Bill Barr’s facial unit? The prototype we were shown had a full range of mobility and expression. The unit in the field now has become the target of ridicule and given rise to unwelcome notoriety through slurs like “Resting Bill Barr Face” and “Attorney General Grumpy Cat”.

CARTOON: Criminal Insurance
I'll make less of a mess. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Trump Turkey Pardon
We just need a signature here, here and here....everything will be taken care of, and then the turkey and his family will be in no way held liable for any crimes past or present. But if there's any room for disagreement, I may be willing to haggle regarding a member or two of the turkey's family. Like the turkey's sons, just as one example.

CARTOON: Pardon Me?
Get stuffed. Today's cartoon by Andrew Dicus.

CARTOON: Futile
Why don't you make like a tree, and get outta here. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

What to Do When Your Screaming Autocrat Won’t Leave the White House
Offer a choice. This will make him feel like he has some say in the matter, even though he doesn’t. “On the way home, do you want us to keep counting the votes in Pennsylvania or stop counting them?”

CARTOON: Just A Flesh Wound
I'll bite your ankles! Today's cartoon by Tom Chitty.

CARTOON: Senate Tales!
Our American JUST US System In Action! Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Elephant in the Room
The elephant in the room. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Scariest Decorations
Terrifying. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

Weekly Humorist's Election Season Forecast Calendar
Thursday, October 15- Following the previous evening's debate, Trump voters decide to finally being wearing masks, but due to embarrassment rather than pandemic concerns.

CARTOON: Mitch's Simple Rules
Consistent government is our best chance. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

CARTOON: Whodunit?
Need a clue? Today's cartoon by Tom Chitty.

Updated Classics That Reflect Our Current Times
A Tale Of Two CDCs, Pride & Prejudiced President, Nasty Little Women, and more!

CARTOON: GOP Venues
Maybe stay for a while. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: The Hoax With The Most
You should have seen the cheery tree. It was so mean to me. Today's cartoon by Lance Hansen.

CARTOON: Signed Out
Some leave their mark with positive action, others...Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Dr. Fauci's Cure-All
Maybe a few more over the mouth to be safe. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

Sample Scripts for the Elizabeth Warren Drunken Recrimination Phone Bank
You’ve indicated in the past that you’d be happy to vote for a woman, you just “weren’t that into” Hillary Clinton. And yet you’ve voiced concerns that Elizabeth Warren just isn’t “electable.” What does “electable” mean to you?

CARTOON: Impeachment Recap
A very simple guide to the downfall of our great republic. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Frosty Testimony
Melting Defenses. Today's catoon by Bob Eckstein and Paul Lander.

CARTOON: Hard of Hearings?
Skip to the good parts. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

CARTOON: Pre-colored
Totally, Fantastic, White House approved. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Trump's Legal Dream Team
We rest our case....for being awesome. Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

CARTOON: Happy Tune
Whistle a happy tune. This song is PERFECT, TREMENDOUS. THE BEST! Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Trump Mints
Do Not Disturb?? Too late! Today's cartoon by Paul Lander and Dan McConnell.

CARTOON: View Askew
Open your eyes. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Rejected GOP Impeachment Comparisons
Republicans compared Trump's impeachment to Jesus and Pearl Harbor. Here's what didn't make the cut. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Impeachment Series
Does the winner or loser end up in pinstripes? Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

CARTOON: Congressional Hearing Aid
Can you hearing me now? Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

Don't Separate Church & State! Sexy Religious Texts Conservative Senators Can Send Their Mistresses
Remind your lover that you’re an all around great guy/gal. So great, that you can be shared among many who are blessed with your presence and chemically-brightened smile.

CARTOON: Drastic Measures
Unthinkable! Today's cartoon by David DeGrand and Rob Kutner.

CARTOON: Discerning Depths
Sinking feeling? Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Bolton Bolts
Let's get bombed. Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

Some Other Pieces of Americana, Revised By The Trump Administration
God Bless America: Written by Irving Berlin, Revised by President Trump “God, bless America, / Land that I love. / Although Baltimore is a real rat-infested hell.”

CARTOON: Locked and Loaded
Getting ready for Trumper Dome. Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

CARTOON: Uncontrollable
Uncontrollably scripted! Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

CARTOON: Human Lie Detector
Robo-Mueller, today's cartoon by Marty Dundics

Ways to Refer to a Thing Someone Said Without Actually Calling it Racist
Intolerant, Undertolerant, Tolerance averse, Possessing a mild allergy to tolerance and more.

CARTOON: Debatable
Debatable demo. Today's cartoon by Kit Lively and David DeGrand.

CARTOON: Huckzilla
Huckzilla heads home. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Disaster Relief
Can we get Presidential Disaster Relief? Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

CARTOON: Trump Taxes
Seems like he really, really, really doesn't want anyone seeing these taxes, right? Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

CARTOON: TrumpCrow
Repel and replace. Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

CARTOON: TrumpCare
Gotta keep the tweeter healthy. Today's cartoon by Kit Lively and David DeGrand.

CARTOON: Trumpcare
Just a few more aaaaand we've solved it. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Barred Mueller Report
Barr totally read the Mueller Report, so you don't have to. Like CliffsNotes! Stop asking so many questions. Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

CARTOON: Real March Madness
Which Cinderella story is making it all the way...to the final downfall? Click to see the full bracket! Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

Things About Beto That Bother Trump (Even More Than The Wild Hand Gestures)
That wife of his sure seems to like him an awful lot. Very suspicious...

CARTOON: Running
Throwing tiny hat with a squirty flower in the ring. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

What You May Have Missed During The Michael Cohen Testimony
Cohen wasn't stymied by any of the questions, but rather simply distracted by the "Dress Your Own Baked Potato" bar that was being set up just off camera.

A Stalker Murders Me (A Story Composed from Presidential Campaign Fundraising Emails)
I am frustrated and angry today
This is a crisis you cannot ignore
running out of time
Thomas!

CARTOON: The Wall
The Wall, signed, sealed & delivered. (If you play it backwards, it also can't believe Trump is president! ) Today's cartoon by David DeGrand.

Please Review the GOP-Approved Activities for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
The following represents all of the GOP-approved activities relating to Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. In light of the recent dancing video, please take time to review this list.


CARTOON: Emoluments Claus
I want to make money from all of this. Can you pay me too? Today's cartoon by J.C. Duffy.

CARTOON: Trump Cover
Donald was pissed that he wasn't the Person of the Year for TIME Magazine. But another publication made him Person of the Century! Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

CARTOON: Trump's Number 1!
Everyone knows Trump is "Individual-1." Mueller really lets him know! Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

Democrat House Of Representatives To Do List
Hispanic members of House and Senate no longer forced to wear sombreros. And more.

Meet Your New and Improved Elected Representatives!
Indicted for Campaign Corruption, Securities Fraud, Self-published Bigfoot Erotica and more fun from our elected officials!

Voter Pledge Card for the Liberal Elite
Perfect candidate isn’t running, maybe don't toss out your vote!

Terrifying White House Inspired Halloween Costumes
Sexy Mitch McConnell, Zombie Mitch McConnell, just Mitch McConnell. And more.

CARTOON: Trump Stump For Ted Cruz
Nothing like getting endorsed by such a great pal! Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers!

The Tremendous Space Force Planning Meeting
The next twenty-five minutes consists of President Trump going into great detail about what the Space Force line of toys needs to be. Action figures, shuttles, rockets, even a home base control room. Of course, the showcase of the toys is a super fit Donald Trump action figure in a glittering stars and stripes Mylar jumpsuit. The little guy is surprisingly pulling off those knee-high boots.

CARTOON: Guess Who?
Can it be a lot of people? Just one? Feels like it could be a lot. Today's cartoon by Ivan!

Inanimate Objects the GOP Might Nominate for the Mid-Term Congressional Elections
Orange traffic cone, Box set of Ted Nugent CDs and more.

New Requirements For Voter Registration Under The Trump Administration
Birth Certificate showing proof of birth in the US. If not born in the US, must be hot European model...

The New York Times Visits the Town That Votes for Donald Trump Again Every Day
And every day, the residents of this small town take a regimented break at noon to head to their local polling place and vote for Donald Trump, a man who is already president...


20 Hairstyles for Fox News Personalities
Bad Ombré
The Extreme Bias Cut
Sleek, With Side-Swept…

It’s Not the Holocaust Tho
ME: Separating families at the border is criminal. We can’t…

Trump Gets His Parade
Some folks are born made to wave the flag
Ooh, they're red,…

Affairs of the State: Love Notes To and From Russia With and Without Love
August 10, 2015
Dear Donald,
You like strong leaders. I am…

Paul Ryan's Reasons For Leaving Congress
Now that Trump has made American so damn great again, there's…

Least Surprising Items Found In The FBI's Raid Of Michael Cohen
Pages and pages of printed Melrose Place fan message board transcripts.
Doubles…

Updated Checklist for Future Screening of Potentially Dangerous Presidential Candidates
Party Chairpersons: While assessing your potential candidate,…

Do Not Push the Red Button
Adviser 1: President Trump, there is a big, red button…

Highlights Of Trump's Planned Military Parade
The crowd will be the largest for a military parade. Ever. Anywhere.…

Stormy Daniels' Non-Disclosure Agreement
NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT
This Non-disclosure Agreement by and…

President Trump's Favorite Things About The Government Shutdown
You might think that Trump would be a bit concerned and unhappy…

Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton “Government Shutdowners Of Today Are Sissies”
Former President Bill Clinton and House Speaker Newt Gingrich…

Trump Explains Why Countries Made His Shithole List
Albania
"Voted against my homey Roy Moore."
New Zealand
"Not…

More Surprising Revelations From Michael Wolff's Fire And Fury
Cover charge to get into the White House is waived if you arrive…

Trump’s Pay for Play Cabal
“The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is…


The GOP's Holiday Caroling Set List
Rudolph The Ineligible, Pre-Existing Condition Having Reindeer
Baby,…

LEAKED! Roy Moore's Eventual Concession Speech
Alright pilgrims, looks like it’s come to this: defeated by…

The Trump-Lincoln Ford’s Theater Luxury Casino
“They call you Lady Luck,
But there is room for doubt,
At…

NOTICE: Curriculum Update to Reflect Current Industry Standards: Department of Journalism & Creative Media, University of Alabama
To the Class of 2021,
Welcome to the Department…

Trump Speech-O-Matic
Many people wonder why the things President Trump says seem so…

Ways That Trump Could Be Even More Horribly Offensive To Puerto Rico
Visit the island and do a rain dance.
Ensure that paper…

16 Quotes That Show Donald Trump Could Be Your Drunk Uncle
Proof that if you add 'Am I right, Sonny Boy?' to a Donald Trump…

Sean Spicer: Hollywood Wunderkind
“You can do this. We’ve all taken jobs we aren’t proud…


Other Cringe-Worthy Lines From Trump's Speech To The Boy Scouts
What is it you boys do? You tie knots and so on, and get…


Tripping Balls with the Founding Fathers
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
Many observers of President Donald J. Trump…

Contents of Comey’s Other Memos
A memo in which former FBI Director James Comey details an interaction…

A Comprehensive Advisory System Based On Sean Spicer’s Standing Patterns As Devised By Homeland Security
Feet straight ahead, eyes forward, hands not on podium:
A…