Gregor Samsa Returns to Work

I want you all to know that, despite the fact that I now take the form of a monstrous vermin, I'm still the same old Gregor, who listens to yacht rock at his desk and loves the Mets (even though they’re killing me, haha). The only difference is I now have six legs and a hard exoskeleton covering my entire body. Still, I don't expect any special treatment from anyone.

Honest Drafts of My Goodbye Email

As of today, I will no longer be doing my job here. Or Mike’s or Pete’s or even Crystal’s, am I right? You all relied on me so heavily that it broke me! For exactly half of what I asked for in salary, zero other benefits, and a birthday cake I had to pay for myself — what a steal!

Signs Your Co-Worker Might Be an Abiogenetic Hybrid of Laura Ingalls Wilder and A Can of Pringles 

She’s often tardy because her sister Carrie has fallen into an abandoned mine shaft.  She also has her own mascot, an oval-faced man with a big bushy mustache and a red bow tie she refers to as Julius. 

This Word-of-the-Day App Chooses Vocabulary Specifically for You!

Perturbed: troubled in mind: feeling or showing agitation. (Merriam-Webster, 2019) Example Sentence: College-educated women from your age bracket often feel perturbed by their inability to find a life partner. 

CARTOON: Team Player

Who brought the orange slices? Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

Email Reminders You Can Give So Your Colleague Will Finish the Project He is Being Paid to Complete

The Buzzword Reminder: Per my last email, see below to remember that I am pinging you to circle back on the follow-up we agreed on. Perhaps we should find time on the calendar for a quick check-in or an all-hands meeting? Let’s take the convo offline if need be and we can loop in the appropriate people.


Most Likely to Impede, Reddest Eyes On Monday Morning, Brownest Nose and more #OfficeSuperlatives!

Hi Co-worker! It’s Me, That Guy That’s Always Brushing His Teeth In The Men’s Room

So, you’re heading over to the urinal are you? Perfect. I’ll be right here. Watching you in the big mirror while I go to town on these cuspids with a perfect counterclockwise motion.

My Bombshell Revelation: I, Your Friendly Office Co-Worker, Am Actually an Asshole

My fellow GloboPlanet Corporate Headquarters Employees: It…

New Career Suggestions For My Freeloading, Annoying, Worthless Coworkers

Acting They certainly have the practice of pretending to be…