Posts

CARTOON: Honeyed Harmony

Soothing Smoke. Today's cartoon by Rose Anne Prevec.

CARTOON: Prehistoric Planning

Stone Age Savings. Today's cartoon by Ed Himelblau.

CARTOON: Electric Escape

Fuming mad. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

But Did You Put It on the Calendar?

You’re the woman of the house. The queen of all things domestic. I know I don’t tell you this enough, but your job as wifey is the most important one of all. Much more important than your actual job as named partner at your firm. 

CARTOON: Trapped

Devil is in the details. Today's cartoon by Paul Lander & Dan McConnell.

CARTOON: Visitation

Hell o. Today's cartoon by Alan Rozanski.

CARTOON: Desserted

Some are not a flan. Today's cartoon by Steve Daugherty.

'So Your Fiancée Woke Up with a Pumpkin Head, Now What?'

Now that there’s a huge pumpkin head walking around your house - meals are going to be a little trickier than normal. If however you eat all of your meals alone while hiding in a closet then please, skip this step. Food is going to be a problem because your lover has no way of eating it - she just has three goofy teeth and no jaw motion whatsoever.

CARTOON: Significant Smother

Feels like a trap. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

QUIZ: Are You Talking To Your 4-Year-Old Son or Your Husband?

No snacks before dinner. Use your words. Stop playing with yourself. And more!

CARTOON: Sexpectations

Be open about expectations. Today's cartoon by Lance Risseeuw.

Your Psychiatrist’s Generalized Anxiety Survey

In the past five days, how often have you experienced nervousness or felt on edge? …skipped meals or experienced low or no appetite? …avoided social interactions, even with loved ones, such as a partner/spouse? If you answered “Sometimes,” was it to avoid hearing your partner/spouse mention their coworker Paul again and how funny and clever he is?

What You Saw Last Night Was a Natural Expression of Love Between Two People With CPAP Machines

Sometimes, couples who share a diagnosis of obstructive sleep apnea discover that they also share an interest in experimentation with forcing pressurized air through hose delivery systems, thus accidentally revolutionizing their sex lives. We hope that one day you find someone you love this much, and when you do, you can entrust them with your heated tubing.

Rudebook Magazine

Looking Good: 12 Ways To Find and Keep Unattractive Friends To Stand Next To,Lithium: Cheer up any dish with this surprise seasoning, 'Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!' And Other Things To Yell During Orgasm, and more in this issue of Rudebook Magazine.

If You Are Reading This You Have Found My Husband Drunk After Two Cocktails And Are Reading This Stapled To His Coat Sleeve Like A Mitten

This note is not here for his safety; it’s for my sanity. Sure I could come get him, but sometimes it’s nice to have some solo Diane time. Tell him that he should stay out for as long as he wants.

Welcome to Your Pandemic Airbnb Rental

We invite you to help yourself to the small collection of books in the living room. While the sampling of Danielle Steele and Bill O’Reilly’s Culture Warrior may cause you to roll your eyes and deduce that we are backwards idiots, please know we have made similar assumptions about you based upon your Vampire Weekend t-shirts and many cases of flavored seltzer.

CARTOON: Peeled

Don't slip up! Today's cartoon by John Anglin.

CARTOON: Bear Your Feelings

What? No, moving in together sounds great. Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

Why Don’t You Call her What She Is – Your Octopus *Whore*

What has she got that I haven’t got, Craig? Besides eight mesmerizing tentacles, the ability to change color and texture, and a disinclination to speak? I’ll dye my hair any color you want, but I’m sorry, buddy – I’ve only got the two arms, and neither of them are covered in little suction cups.

News Briefs: Marriage

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

CARTOON: Zoom Face

Face froze? Might need a reboot. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

Other Reality Dating Shows Willfully Misinterpreting Famous Love Quotes

* “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” - Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet * Now streaming on Netflix: A Rose As Sweet! One bachelor will date twenty women named Rose. The twist: he can’t see them or talk to them. He must decide which Rose to marry -- only by smelling them.

How to Tell If Your Spouse Has Been Using Your Time Machine Behind Your Back

All right, being off by one or two years is understandable, but once you’re off by decades or centuries, it’s time we sat down and had a serious talk, and it’s also time to change the lock and/or hiding spot for your time machine.

No Son Of Mine Is Going To Have Premarital Sex In My House. No, He’ll Have It In The Garage… That’s Where The Magic Happens!

I’m sorry, but if (and when) one of my sons breaks the sacred bonds of matrimonial bliss, then he best be doing it in our charming, romantic (and hot-as-hell) garage… because that’s where the magic goes down! 

CARTOON: Split

You keep the cover, I'll take the wagon. Today's cartoon by Matt Percival.

Dear Family, I’m Marrying The Green Lady M&M

Afterward, shuttle buses will take guests to the reception to be held at the estate of Bartholomew Richard Fitzgerald-Smythe aka Mr. Peanut. Dinner will be catered by Chef Boyardee himself and desserts provided by the Keebler Elves. (And yes, Ms.Green can eat chocolate. It is not cannibalism! We’re made of meat and eat pork. Same thing!!)

Love & Dating Advice Based On The Number Of Letters In Your First Name

Four Letters: You actually met the love of your life yesterday at 6:43 pm. Or you would have if you didn’t insist on getting pho again for like the ninth day in a row. Instead, that person you gave your number to will be ruining your life for the next eleven years.

CARTOON: Keeping Up

Feeling stranded? Today's cartoon by Steve McGinn.

CARTOON: Proposal

Popped the Questionable Question. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

I am 100% Committed to Being a Dad 24 Minutes a Day

Before our son was born, I couldn’t quite comprehend how my…