“Love is blind”, originally from Chaucer, popularized by Shakespeare:
“But love is blind, and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that themselves commit” – Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” – Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
Now streaming on Netflix: A Rose As Sweet! One bachelor will date twenty women named Rose. The twist: he can’t see them or talk to them. He must decide which Rose to marry — only by smelling them.
“’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” – Alfred Lord Tennyson
In Loved and Lost, couples are blindfolded and scattered deep in the woods. All they’ll have to aid them on their journey is a compass, an endless supply of Chardonnay, and a camera crew following their every move. Will they find their love after being lost? Or will they die unmarried, alone, lost in the woods where no one but our viewers will ever find them? Sundays on ABC!
“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” – Song of Solomon 6:3
The drama is heating up on My Beloved is Mine! Couples dig deep into their feelings — in the Pennsylvania coal mines. Some will strike gold, some will find their diamonds in the rough, and some will leave with only a lump of coal to keep them warm at night. The first dating show to go beneath the rocky layers of relationships, with couples going that extra mile — underground!
“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.” – Nat King Cole
In Greatest Thing You’ll Learn, it’s back to school — high school, that is! A classroom of single adult frenemies pass notes in math, cheat off one others’ physics tests, and make out at after-school play rehearsal. If they don’t find a prom date by final exams week, their educational degrees will be permanently invalidated. Sporadically hosted by Drew and Lea Lachey!
“Love is all you need” – The Beatles
In All You Need, a group of 20-something singles, many of whom are deeply in debt, will forego all basic needs — food, shelter, and oh yes, even clothing — on their quest to find their soulmate who’ll also pay off their crushing student loans. Will they find the one to fulfill all their needs, or fall for a fellow millenial with bad credit, compounding their collective debt? Is love truly need-blind?
“To love another person is to see the face of God.” – Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
The only reality show with divine intervention! In The Face of God, each member of a couple will travel to a separate continent. They’ll each visit a burning bush, where they must communicate directly with God. After Prophet Week, couples reunite for Hometowns Week and describe God’s face to their families. If their descriptions don’t match, they’ll say goodbye to their partners for eternity. See The Face of God: Tuesdays at 8PM!
“Love recognizes no barriers.” – Maya Angelou
In No Barriers, newlyweds have to race high-speed cars and push through all barriers, no matter the obstacle; traffic cones, parked cars, even construction sites. They’ll learn to be vulnerable emotionally and physically. Take down the barriers on the road to love — literally!
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because the reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss
It’s the show you’ve dreamed of: Better Than Your Dreams! Singles are kept awake for days at a time, and are only allowed to sleep after proposing to a total stranger. If they still want to get married after finally ending days of torture and getting some rest, we’ll pay for their tropical honeymoon! But if they get to the altar and drowsily mutter “I don’t”, we’ll make sure they never sleep again.
“With the whole world crumbling, we pick this time to fall in love” – Casablanca
In The Whole World Crumbling, married couples have 90 days to destroy the world together. How they destroy the world is up to them — they may dump chemicals in the ocean, burn down a forest, or even throw batteries at endangered turtles! But if they do anything to help the planet, their decades-long marriage will be instantly dissolved. Psychologists say that crumbling the world is the best way to keep the spark alive; will they fall in love by making the world fall apart?
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Kate Herzlin is a New York-based playwright, screenwriter and comedy writer who overuses the rule of three. Her work can be seen in McSweeney’s, The Belladonna, Little Old Lady Comedy, and others. She’s trying to be a better millennial by tweeting more often @kateherzlin.