Poople Magazine

100 Most Beautiful Poops, Plus 65 more Celeb BM's, Holy Sh%T! The Pope talks poop with Poople! Dropping A Deuce With Bruce; See Why He's Called The Boss, Yes Rock, We Smell What You're Cooking! Skid Marks The Spot! Name The Celebrity Based On Their Soiled Underpants. And more in this issue of Poople Magazine!

CARTOON: True Hell

Plus 2 factor authentication! Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

How to Hold Your Therapist’s Attention

Paint a Pretty Picture: Describe the people in your life as more attractive than they are. A good-looking cast begets a good, listening therapist. Vividly detail stunning features, exotic locales, and witty repartee. Consider giving your characters catchphrases. For example: “Now that’s what I call a doughnut, volume cake!” It makes sense in context.

Urgent:  It’s Me, Reality. I’m Trying to Get in Touch With You!

I tried to intervene, shaking the facilitator by the shirt lapels, waving smelling salts, and presenting a viral tweet about cheese. I said, “Come back to me!” But an argument broke out about whether it was the same year here as it was in Europe. “I’m telling you,” someone said. “I know for a fact that American women have been voting for at least the past two years.” “With their ANKLES SHOWING?” said the facilitator.

To Say Hi to Someone You Recognize On The Street, or Not?

While walking your dog in the park, you swear you see a person from your weekly adult dance class walking her dog nearby: DO YOU: Your dog is the perfect excuse to walk a little closer to see if it’s an acquaintance with whom you can share a polite greeting. OR Now’s the perfect time to pop open your false tooth and bite into the cyanide pill you’ve been storing for this exact scenario.

Beware of Humans at the Dog Park

The Anti-Neuterer: Refusing to “fix" their male dogs, seemingly proud of their descended testicles swaying in the wind. Subsequently, Fido winds up humping everything in sight, no matter the gender or species. If only more humans listened to Bob Barker’s advice.

17 Ways To Make It Seem Like You’re Still Listening When You’ve Stopped Paying Attention

Make encouraging sounds like “Mmhmm” or “Uh-huh.” You’ll probably want to alternate among a few different ones so it doesn’t sound like you’re meditating. Repeat whatever they say. You got this! No, don't literally repeat it! Why did you do that? “I also lost my job”?!?! You didn’t lose your job! I meant that you should say something like: “What I’m hearing is that you lost your job.” Jeez.

CARTOON: Cheese Chat

Relatable Content. Today's cartoon by Paul Cannata.

Welcome to Your Pandemic Airbnb Rental

We invite you to help yourself to the small collection of books in the living room. While the sampling of Danielle Steele and Bill O’Reilly’s Culture Warrior may cause you to roll your eyes and deduce that we are backwards idiots, please know we have made similar assumptions about you based upon your Vampire Weekend t-shirts and many cases of flavored seltzer.


Gonna ruin your dinner! Today's cartoon by Asher Perlman.

CARTOON: Lenting Venting

Lent Loopholes! Today's cartoon by Pat Byrnes.

Things More Distracting Than Your Screen

The eyelash on your co-worker’s right cheek that you wish you could just grab and make a wish on, but these are not the rules of polite society. Also bees.

Talkward w/ guest Jeff Kreisler

Today on Talkward is author, comedy writer, behavior expert and…

Revised Duran Duran Titles for Generation X-ers Heading into Their Fifties

The Reflux Hungry Like the Wolf, After Fasting for 24…