Posts

Some Totally Normal Thoughts I Had After Getting Pooped on by a Bird

Just a little poop on my jacket, it’ll wash right off. These…

Classic, Respected Literature As Tasteless, Lowbrow Poop Jokes

The Great Shatsby (by F Scott Shitzgerland), To Kill a Mockingturd, Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, and more!

CARTOON: GM BM

Let it percolate. Today's cartoon by Postmodern Paul.

#CrappyChristmasCarols

All I want for Christmas is Poo, Doo you hear what I hear?, Jingle Smells, and more #CrappyChristmasCarols on this week's trending joke game!

I’m the Cologuard Box, and I Can Diagnose your Personality Disorder

Who takes a cute little box with a face and limbs and rips him open to insert poop? I’ll tell you who–people with problems. Which is why I’m now equipped to tell you what’s wrong with your personality. And believe me, there is something wrong with you. You’re pooping in a box.

ColonBroom FAQ

How long should I take ColonBroom? The feeling when I poop is nothing but the purest form of euphoria and triumph. Like Moses parting the Red Sea and leading his people out of Egypt. Like the Achaeans pouring out of the wooden horse and enveloping the streets of Troy. That moment on the brink of life and death, that point of no return when you’re still extremely nauseous from giving rectal birth to a pound of raw broccoli, but already thinking about the leftover burrito in the fridge. 

#FartyFairyTales

The Pied Diaper, Little Bowel Peep, The Magic Toot, and more #FartyFairyTales on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Boxed Out

Clumps like castles! Today's cartoon by Nathan Cooper.

CARTOON: GumBalled

Waste not, want not. Today's cartoon Lynn Hsu.

I Am Nathan’s Hot Dog #75 and I Pray That Joey Chestnut’s Stomach Is Slowing Down

The spotlight might give my love life a boost. After all, there is no better way to let all the single snacks out there know that I am available than not getting eaten on ESPN. Have I mentioned that I always use a condiment?

Ask Laura Dern! 

DEAR BORED HUSBAND IN AKRON, OH:   You need to collect your wife’s poop and save it out in your backyard until it’s a huge pile.  Then put on some elbow-length plastic gloves and dig through her poop looking for undigested lilac berries from the West Indian lilac bush. She has likely been eating west Indian lilac berries and this is likely what is causing her addiction.  This technique worked for me when I found a sick triceratops in Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park. It should work for you too! - LAURA DERN

A Gaslight in the Attic: Toilet Tweeting

It doesn’t matter that / It’s three in the morning / I’ll tweet up a storm / I’ll send out a warning!

I’ll Never Forget When I First Saw You (on Tinder While I Was Pooping)

Some say romance is dead. I myself had all but given up on love. Then I saw you. I’ll never forget it: I was sitting on the toilet as my bowels evacuated, mindlessly swiping away on Tinder, when you appeared on the screen.

Rough Start to Summer: A Lifeguard Has Ordered the Ocean Drained After a Whale Pooped In It

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Plus, it's gross.

CARTOON: Ruff Day