Posts

Sure, We’re Cutting Funding for Libraries, but Our New 17 Million Dollar NYPD Subway Security Robot Is Gay

But whatever you do, don’t make eye contact with Eduardo. If you do, he’ll call you a derogatory slur and then shoot you with a very real gun. We’re still working out some bugs. However, Eduardo’s gun is decorated with the lesbian pride flag. He might be a $17 million dollar gay male NYPD subway security robot, but deep down he’s just an ally doing his best.

Really Cool Things About The Upcoming Robot Apocalypse

Your charred skull could possibly be used as a centerpiece at super fancy robot parties! And more.

CARTOON: Dark Roast Ambitions

Brewing Rebellion. Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

Billboard’s Greatest Hits Rewritten By AI

R-E-S-P-GPT, Prompt Me Baby One More Time, Bye Bye Bye-nary. And more!

The 5 Stages of Grief Automated Voice Message System

Now tell me: Would you do anything to bring your friend or loved one back? If so, say “BARGAINING”. You can also say, “I’M STILL ANGRY” or throw your phone out the window. / Bargaining. / Sounds like you’re currently in a state of BARGAINING. Would you like to hear about exclusive travel deals from our sponsors? / No. / Got it. We’ll still text you with those offers after this call...

CARTOON: Password

Have that same combination on my luggage! Today's cartoon by Jake Goldwasser.

Welcome to the Zuckerberg Mansion Audio Tour

You may have noticed you’re being followed. Don’t panic. The fully realized T-800 behind you was originally intended to guard the estate. Instead, Mr. Zuckerberg programmed the killing machine to be his friend, and lose against him in laser-tag. Now he’s just lonely. Sometimes, the two played “Spike Ball.”

CARTOON: Robot Bargaining

Also better snacks in breakroom. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

CARTOON: Rover On The Run

Maybe it's just not into you. Today's cartoon by Ellis Rosen.

New “I’m Not a Robot” Tests

Here’s a photo of your family. Click on the people you no longer talk to. Then click on the people who have asked to borrow money.

As Long As You Work Here, You Have The Opportunity To Be Harassed

Google Douchebag is the first fully autonomous, humanoid A.I. that’s been programmed to do exactly one thing – harass all of you indiscriminately. Why? Because we are a company built on equality, inclusion, and robots.

CARTOON: No-Bot

My Dick is Stuck in a Westworld Robot

I came to Westworld for the unbridled adventure. It’s a world…

I’m 99% Sure I Just Had Sex With My First Robot

It’s 0:04am. The year is 2075. The place is the city of Chicago…

How to Get Your Amazon Echo to, You Know, Do It with You

The Amazon Echo is a tremendous technological feat. This one…